I find myself in a position that is filled with fear. I don’t mean I’m afraid something bad is going to happen to me. I’m fearful because, since my husband’s death, it’s slowly creeping into my realization that I have to redefine myself.
In the grand scheme of things, I feel like it took me forever to define my gifts and talents. Even when God pointed them out to me, I was hesitant to connect with them because I personally hadn’t put any value on them.
Since my husband’s funeral I’ve had a handful of family and friends request a copy of what I wrote to honor him. I’m humbled that anyone would find value in the things I say, so I will gladly share with the hope that it will encourage others to see themselves through the eyes and heart of God. See below for the links to both my eulogy and the service itself.
A few weeks ago I came home from dinner to find my beloved Yorkshire terrier, Zoey, had passed away. She was thirteen years old and weighed all of five pounds. When she was younger ,she went everywhere with me. She flew in planes, traveled by motorhome, stayed in hotels, went shopping, and I carried her into restaurants in her travel bag. As she got older, she became more nervous, so she traveled only if we went somewhere in the motorhome, which was quite often. My nickname for her was Baby Girl.
Processing grief is such an individual expression. I have fortunately had the chance to unfortunately talk with other widows and hear their stories of walking out their loss. Every one of these women expressed a different process. Hearing their journey has taught me one thing: even in the similarities, grief is unique to the individual.
It was my third visit on the same day for the same prescription at the same local pharmacy. I needed to get a script for my mom before I left town. This process had caused me to delay our departure by several hours, but I would feel better knowing she had her medication before I left. On my first two visits, the pharmacy required additional information. Each time I happily obliged since I really needed to get this task completed.
Recently I traveled two weeks by plane and various ground transportation. Several of my landings were at night, and I marveled at how the large clumps of city lights illuminated the vast darkness. As I got closer to the ground, the lights became more distinct yet the sheer number was overwhelming.
When raising my children, the biggest challenge I faced was to keep my fears from becoming their fears. I raised two daredevil boys. They had no fear, a high tolerance for pain, and a love for anything that required a release of liability form.
Those of you who know me personally know that I have… how do I say this without over exaggerating …. a very strong preference for chocolate. I’ve tried to break up several times, but with every attempt I’m flooded with only the good memories, the fun times. I run into it everywhere I go, and each time it looks better than I last remember.
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