2018 brought many challenges, both emotional and spiritual. I lost my husband of 31 years, my sweet fur baby of 12 years, and my mom of 54 years. I can only liken the year to the experience of being on a small boat tossed about by (sometimes) violent rolls of emotion that threatened to overtake me. A year of unchartered waters. I’ve questioned many things, and I’ve had to face the fact that my God has left me with unanswered prayers.
What if I told you that two of many people’s major goals are completely within grasp? Do you want to get rich and lose weight? It’s so simple you’re going to look at me (if you could) and say, “Duh!”
The point at which relationships succeed is the same point at which relationships will fail, and the reason is super simple, or is it? Transparency. Without it, we will never establish a relationship that can endure the trails of everyday life. On the flip side, relationship will end very quickly if we are no longer transparent but secretive and withdrawn. Relationship may never get a chance to set roots if we portray to be someone we think other people want us to be.
As I welcome my grandchildren into my heart, my mind wanders back to the days when I was a young mom and worried over my sons. As I get older, my concerns are constantly being challenged due to the rapidly changing moral compass. Change is coming from every direction, on every level, and with no solid footing to keep it in place. It’s a blur at best.
It’s been 369 days without his mischievous smile, his contagious laugh, and his personality that filled the whole house. It’s been 8,856 hours since I kissed his lips, held his hand, or looked into his eyes. It’s been 535,680 minutes since our last adventure together (2.19) playing our people game that only made sense to us. It’s been a lifetime since he last loved on our grandchildren and spoiled them like only he could. I miss him.
I’ve been holding a couple of things close to my heart. Talking with God about them. Pondering the depth of His meaning, evaluating His truths against how I define my reality. Comparing His word to my life, His intentions against my experience.
What does a tantrum-throwing, snotty-nosed brat have to do with your personal relationship with Christ? Would it shock you if I told you God still speaks in parables? The parables of the Bible have two elements that apply to us today: a common occurrence/familiar experience and a deeper meaning pointing us heavenward. Just like the people in the Bible, we must tune our eye and ear to the deeper meaning.
How are you doing on your new year’s resolution(s) or goal(s)? Any success? At the beginning of this year I shared that I don’t do resolutions anymore, but I set goals instead. Since last year was a hazy blur, I had no goals. I’ve spent my time trying to figure out who I am apart from my husband. Any goals set prior to losing him were ones set for the two of us, not just me.
I’ve heard it said that depression hits an all-time high in winter. I can definitely see how that is possible, because the weather alone can feel depressing and complicate other emotional stressors we’re dealing with.
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