A Good Husband

“I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.” Hosea 2:19 NLT

I would imagine there are only a few women who have not at one point in their married lives questioned their choice. At some phase in their commitment of “till death do us part,” they wonder why marriage is even worth it. I further imagine there are single women who question their singleness a time or two. Are they missing out on something by not having a ride-or-die partner for life?

As a widow, I’m starting to realize how slanted society can be when it comes to being a single person vs married. I have a new lens with which to look at life, and I now see how product ads, travel destinations, restaurants, etc. focus on couples. Even churches speak more to married couples than their singles. For the most part, life around me is geared toward couples. I get it. We’re created for relationship, so it is assumed that even those who are not married have a significant other or, at the very least, are in pursuit.

If we’re created for relationship, why is it so hard? I would guess that it’s mainly because free will + varied backgrounds + different value systems = two very different people trying to come together in a unified direction. But mostly because free will is simultaneously a unique gift given to creation and the very core of our downfall.

Relationship status has no bearing on the truth that the gift of choice is both beautiful and tragic. The choice to marry or stay single, the choice to remain faithful or be unfaithful, the choice to be celibate or have sex, the choice to be kind or cruel, etc.—all are opportunities for us to know the peace of a good choice or the pain of one that does not serve us well.

Whether you have a husband solid as a rock, lack a good husband (or any husband), the good news is that, as a believer in Christ, you have access to the perfect Husband, God. That’s especially comforting when faced with man’s flaws or the fact that even the good ones can be called to their heavenly home long before our hearts are prepared.

If we could list the qualities of a good husband, I think we’d include a few things like … someone who can provide rest and refreshment when times are tough; someone who’ll call us on our crap when we’re being difficult. We’d want him to be generous, faithful, provide security, and love us with a steadfast love. We’d value his guidance when we have tough decisions to make, and we’d appreciate his protection and wisdom.

Psalm 23 describes the perfect Husband, and I think you’ll agree these qualities are exactly what we’d want in a man who is both valued enough to make a commitment to, as well as value us enough to commit to us.

The Lord is my shepherd (relationship)
I shall not want. (provision)
He makes me lie down in green pastures, (rest)
he leads me beside quiet waters, (refreshment)
he restores my soul (healing)
He guides me in paths of righteousness (guidance)
for his name’s sake. (purpose)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, (testing/growing our faith)
I will fear no evil, (protection)
for you are with me; (faithfulness)
your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (discipline/correction)

You prepare a table before me (generous)
in the presence of my enemies. (extravagant)
You anoint my head with oil; (consecration)
my cup overflows. (abundance)

Surely your goodness and love will follow me (steadfast love)
all the days of my life, (blessing)
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (security/favor)

No matter our societal label (married/divorced/single/widowed), the qualities we seek are found in the gentle heart of the Husband of all husbands, God.

I won’t deny that it’s much easier to gravitate to a physical presence and forget to seek the spiritual. But, in all reality, what sort of guarantee do we get with a physical husband, including a potential one? What can be written in stone about your future with him? What do we do when we realize he’s human, just like we are, with frailties and brokenness that disappoint and hurt? What about when tragedy strikes or your dreams go unfulfilled and the other side of your bed is empty?

It’s not about titles; it’s about a pledge. It’s not about any pledge—it’s about the pledge Christ has made to us through His death, burial, and resurrection. It’s not about a person, but specifically the Person of Jesus Christ. And it’s about choosing Him above all other men.

Choosing Jesus means that when life fails me, when people hurt me, and when relationship is incredibly difficult, I still have a resting place. It’s a place that gives me His presence, comfort, guidance, protection, and wisdom.

NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!

Self-Reflection

These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.

This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.

• • Why do you think relationship is so hard?
  • What would you define as your biggest obstacle? I’d like to challenge you on this question. When you describe what your biggest challenge is, make sure it’s something you’re taking responsibility for vs simply saying, when someone does this or that.
  • When you read Psalm 23 do you think those qualities make a good husband?
  • Would you change or add to any of those qualities? If so what would they be?
  • Do you think those same qualities would make a good wife?
  • Would you change or add to any of those qualities? If so what would they be?
  • Is it difficult to rely on the spiritual presence of God vs the physical presence of a man? Explain.
  • What does the word pledge mean to you?
  • Find a few scriptures that share God’s promises to you and list them here. Read them every day for a week. Journal what you experience, learn, gain.

Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.

Take Action

Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life.  Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.

Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!

Here is what God’s word says about His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:  “I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.” Hosea 2:19 (NLT)

Read God’s word and say to yourself:  God is the Husband who is honest and fair. His love for me will never fail me, and His compassion for me is endless. He is faithful to never leave me. No. Matter. What.

Challenge 

Read Psalm 23 for a whole month. Make a daily declaration that you will see evidence of God’s goodness, kindness, etc. Make notes about what you’re experiencing regarding God’s presence—sometimes it’s a feeling (i.e. peace, comfort, etc.) vs hearing words or seeing visions. Give a thankful prayer for the things God is offering you (presence, provision, etc.) 

The Lord is my shepherd (relationship) 

I shall not want. (provision)

He makes me lie down in green pastures, (rest)

he leads me beside quiet waters, (refreshment)

he restores my soul (healing)

He guides me in paths of righteousness (guidance)

for his name’s sake. (purpose)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, (testing/growing our faith)

I will fear no evil, (protection)

for you are with me; (faithfulness)

your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (discipline/correction)

You prepare a table before me (generous)

in the presence of my enemies. (extravagant)

You anoint my head with oil; (consecration)

my cup overflows. (abundance)

Surely your goodness and love will follow me (steadfast love)

all the days of my life, (blessing)

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (security/favor)