“There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.”—John 13:23 (NASB)
In mid-August I had the chance to share my story with a group of women. I had been asked if I would share what it meant to Biblically stand in the midst of tragedy. I told my pastor I didn’t feel qualified to contribute, because I don’t consider myself standing at this particular time. I would describe this season of my life as reclining against the shoulders of God.
The evening of the event was so precious to me that I wanted to also share with you some of what I spoke on with the ladies who were present.
The tragedy my pastor spoke of was the sudden loss of my confidant, friend, lover, provider, adventure buddy, father of my children, and my co-conspirator when it came to spoiling our grandbabies. Thirty-one years of marriage, thirty-three years of relationship—all wiped out in a single event.
While I’m not completely standing, my posture of reclining does provide an indication that I’ve made some improvement.
A little over a year and a half ago, I sat in a small room inside the emergency portion of a hospital. My two sons and I tried to fit the pieces together of what had taken place in the last hour or so. We waited anxiously for someone to come tell us that we’d be able to see him shortly.
In walks a petite woman, and I felt some relief and had this flash of a thought that, surely, she didn’t have the bulk to shoulder the bomb I feared. She’s the kind of person who comes to tell you that she’ll let us back shortly. But as she introduced herself as a doctor and began to talk, I could see that her stature had nothing to do with her ability to deliver a weighty verdict. It was her tiny mouth that tore my world apart.
“I’m sorry, he didn’t make it. We were not able to revive him. We tried everything to save him.”
We’d be able to see him, not sitting in a recovery bed but rather laying on a steel gurney.
I didn’t have the strength to stand. I didn’t have the strength to lie down. I was hit with a wave of shock that enveloped me. It kept the pieces of my shattered heart together and numbed it at the same time. Shock was my friend.
The numbness would gradually peel away, and I would wake to find that God had scooped me up and draped me across His shoulders. This valley was dark, but I felt His tangible, quiet presence. I felt hidden in His wings, a place where I could rest and allow Him to nurse me back to health.
Again, even though I don’t consider myself to be currently standing, I have in the past experienced the thrill of victory standing on who He is and the promises He makes. Now that I have experienced all three postures, I noticed that—no matter whether the posture be draped, reclined or standing—God is the one who makes every posture equally strong. He shows up in His love, power, mercy, grace, strength, provision, comfort, presence, etc., and we win above and beyond what we could have imagined.
He sustains us when we are draped across His shoulders. He heals us as we recline against His shoulders. He gives us victory when we stand on His shoulders.
There is no weakness in any of the three postures. It’s all about His power and strength. We submit, He shows up, and the rest is His-story!
During my season of being draped across the Lord, I did not open a Bible, I did not go to church, and I did not offer up deep prayers for anyone but myself. I curled up close to God, and I would recall the past times of His goodness when He moved on my behalf, answered prayer, and healed in His name, etc. I would tell Him what His word says and the promises He made. Not because He needed to be reminded, but because I needed to reminded.
I shared my heart with Him—not because He didn’t already know what was on my mind and in my heart, but because He’s my Father and He wants to hear my voice … and I needed Him to catch my tears and hold my broken heart.
He wants to be the One who I take my pain to. The One who sees the pain in my eyes when I look to Him. Anyone else and I will not be safe. I’d be at risk to believe the lies of the enemy whose sole aim is to separate me from the only One who can redeem my pain. Satan wants to destroy my relationship with the One who holds the words of truth and life.
I submitted myself to Him mainly because I had no other choice, although I truly believe it was a combination of not having any energy to fight back and the fact that I have settled it in my heart that I do not have a Plan B. Without an alternative plan, I have chosen to sit at the feet of my Father and wait on Him to show me the way.
Draped firmly across God, reclining firmly against God, or standing firm on God is simple faith—believing He is who He says He is and that He’s going to do what He says He’ll do. That no matter what it looks like and no matter what it feels like, He’s the good God who comes through like He promised. He is my good Father, my good Protector, my good Provider, and He’s now my good Husband.
My reclining posture finds me back at church, reading my Bible, and focused on others in prayer and love. I credit two things for moving me from being draped upon the Lord to reclining against Him: submission and worship. That combination has been the single most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
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- What posture do you find yourself in today? Draped, reclined or standing.
- Have you experienced all 3? If so, did you let Jesus attend to you? In what ways did you invite Him into your situation?
- With regard to draped and reclined: In what ways did you see God show up?
- In ref to victory/recovery: What did victory look like or feel like for you?
- Summarize the 3 as to what you learned in these experiences.
Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
“There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.”—John 13:23 (NASB)
Read God’s word and say to yourself:
I can recline on Jesus. Whether I’m reclined, leaning, or standing on His shoulders, every posture is powerful when Christ is the foundation. I am the one whom Jesus loves.
When you read God’s word say to yourself:
