“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”—Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)
Are you familiar with those graphics that show two sides of how we see ourselves? On one side the graphic says, “How I think I look,” and on the other it says, “How I really look.” Earlier this week I was disappointed in myself when I caught sight of how I really look. I was reminded why we’re told the heart is deceitful above all things. I don’t feel like a bad person; I try to emulate the heart of God and do right, but when given a magnifying glass to hold over my heart condition, I see a lot of pieces doing their own thing … validating things along the way. I had to acknowledge that I offer my love in pieces.
A few weeks ago, I accepted an invitation to read through a book with five other women. I didn’t recognize the author nor the title but I accepted the challenge, because I deeply respect the woman who invited me. I got into the first two chapters and was thinking the book wasn’t really speaking to me. But I know I can always learn something, so I continued. The Holy Spirit is gentle with me and, as I continued to read, I began to connect with some of the examples and details stated in the next few chapters.
The main example is the story of Cain. The book lays out how he was offended and how he held onto his pain, nurturing it, until his actions brought separation. From there, he moved to bitterness and then hate. As Cain continued to mull his pain over and over in his mind, his heart became hardened. He eventually raised his hand against his own brother and murdered him.
I’m not an easily offended person. I let people be people, because I feel we’re all on our own journey to God. We’re just at different places and that’s okay. I do not feel the need to correct people or argue for the sake of arguing. I prefer to understand, if at all possible. This is how I would define myself. I do not identify with being bitter, and I certainly don’t hate anyone. I love God; therefore, I could not hate anyone, right? Unless …
… unless the author gave examples of behavior that I hadn’t particularly considered before—things like backbiting, passive aggressive behavior, getting my point across but following up with, “Just joking!” Now the author had my attention.
As I continued reading and considering the progression of Cain’s demise from offense to hurt, bitterness, hate, and murder—not just the physical act of murder, but murder committed in our thought lives—I had to humble myself before the Lord and admit I hated someone.
To validate my pain, I reminded myself that what happened to me was real. I hadn’t made anything up nor did I embellish anything. Rather than hold my pain up to God’s heart, I felt justified. I should have processed my pain through the lens of His example—His sacrifice on the cross. But no, I held onto my pain. Whenever a trigger brought up my pain, I put it on and wore it with a prideful attitude. Funny thing is, my deceitful heart kept the truth under my radar, so I didn’t put the pieces together. If I hadn’t figured it out surely no one else could tell. Or could they? Because one of the other super frustrating things is that we rarely see our faults but we sure can identify them in others.
That was a painful revelation. I wept at the thought of having misrepresented God even if only in my own heart. The realization of having sinned against the only One who loves me with an everlasting love was very painful. But I was comforted knowing that my God never brings me to my brokenness to embarrass or shame me. No, He brings me here to heal me. He gently draws me to this place of correction, not condemnation. When I receive His correction and turn from my way of doing things, I experience a new level of who He is and His truth that sets this captive heart free.
Do you need a new level of peace with God? Is there anything that enslaves you today? Are you justifying something to make people pay? What conversation are you still having, playing it over and over in your head, talking to the mirror, still trying to have your say? You can be free. You can have peace. Don’t hesitate to get real with the God who never withholds His love, never gives His love in pieces. He’s the God who does not hesitate to give His whole heart. All the time. Every time. Forever. No exceptions.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- Have you ever been surprised to discover something about yourself you didn’t realize was true? How did you find it out?
- Is there a feeling of discord, agitation, or nagging in any area of your life? Describe it as best you can.
- With regard to the progression of offense, has an offense ever escalated into something more?
- If so, what was the progression and how did it manifest itself?
- What are some ways you can stop the progression of offense?
- What examples did God give us about His life that we should consider when we feel offended?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”—Proverbs 4:23 (ESV
Say to yourself: What’s in my heart is what will come out in my daily conversations, actions, and even my private thoughts and actions. When I understand who I am and the One who loves me more than life itself, then my heart will be filled with and fueled by the goodness and love of God.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
