Childhood abuse deeply impacts our adult life on many levels but there is hope. My guest Virginia Jones and I talk about recovering from childhood abuse. Topics such as how to heal, the importance of boundaries, and what does it mean to honor your mother and father despite the cruelty they showed you.
Our focus today is not about the details of abuse we endured, we use our types of abuse as a point of reference but our conversation today is how to heal from childhood abuse.
Because of the imprint left on your life from childhood abuse there is often a distance between the effects of it experienced in adulthood and actually discovering full, healthy healing. Virginia and I dig into what it looks like to heal as well as what are some of the ways we can take action or the things we can put in place that is going to move us toward healing.
As an example, in the opening (audio) clip Virginia is talking about how to take control of our thought life and internal dialog when it comes to verbally beating ourself up or dwelling on the pain of what happened. She’s not saying ignore the pain but she is saying to take responsibility for your healing and part of that is dismantling the belief systems we’ve created that are associated with our abuse. Don’t misunderstand what I just said. I’m not saying you’re responsible for what happened to you, I’m saying take responsibility for your healing by taking the necessary steps to find help and wholeness.
A lot of times when I’m doing the editing for an audio, it puts me in a position where I’m outside of the conversation. That outside looking in often gives me a deeper bit of clarity and that happened with something Virginia said.
We were talking about boundaries and the importance of setting them with regard to what it looked like to honor our parents yet make wise decisions that would keep each of us safe as well as keep our families safe.
One part of that conversation revolved around how other people, specifically our Christian brothers and sisters may define what it means to honor our parents. We may get criticized about our decisions or receive unsolicited advice.
Virginia made the point that we set boundaries based on the full story of what has happened versus what others think we should do based on their personal definitions of the word honor. Anyone outside the actual abuse only has part of the story and what they think they know about our situation.
That’s when I was reminded that God has set intentional boundaries for all of creation. His boundaries are based on the fact that He knows the full story from beginning to end and because of what He knows He’s set limitations to keep us safe.
When you think about the boundaries in nature, such as ocean water, if the water passes the boundaries set by God it can destroy everything in its path.
When we step outside of His standard for doing relationship the damage can be seen and felt for years.
When we live contrary to His instruction we’re at risk of life altering consequences that can bring guilt and shame. His boundaries are in place to keep us from experiencing these painful consequences because of the resulting guilt and shame. Those two consequences, guilt and shame bring separation from Christ and that’s what God is trying to help us avoid.
When I was raising my sons, I set boundaries in my home for two things, morality and safety. Whenever my sons chose to step outside those boundaries they tied my hands. Mainly because they were at risk but also because it grieved my heart to see them suffer the consequences.
In short, boundaries have a purpose and it’s to protect us in situations where wisdom dictates that we need to be protected.
Before I close, I do want to add this thought, guilt and shame can be laid at the feet of Jesus and we can find peace and forgiveness. The blood of Jesus washes the things of this life off of us. It’s not about living a perfect life but if we stay in close relationship with Jesus, do this life with God’s value system, His heart we can limit the emotional trauma and mental scars and all the work that will need to be done to heal.
The good news of Jesus Christ is that no matter what this life throws at you, no matter what people do to you, or try to label you with…you keep the eyes of your heart of Christ. He’s writing a much bigger love story with you, an over arching love story with you as the individual He created you to be.
Its in the drawing close to Jesus that we find peace, break free from the lies, leave behind guilt and shame and walk in the freedom that Christ has made available to us in the here and now.
Let’s listen in!
Live Loved and Thrive!
You can find Virginia here:
https://www.thevintagecafepodcast.com/
https://www.facebook.com/vintagecafepodcast
https://www.instagram.com/audiofarmgirl/
BIO:
Coming from a background of abuse has given me the perspective of being grateful for each and every day. I am a veteran homeschool mom of two amazing daughters, wife to the most amazing husband, photographer, homesteader and podcaster. I love to walk along the beach, read a cozy mystery while having a cup of Earl Grey tea and make memories with my family. One of my goals in life is to be an inspiration to others. Whether that be through my podcasting, photography or homesteading. We can give a person a fish for a day or we can teach that person to fish for a lifetime. Every day is an opportunity to change someone’s life.
Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/5e97285d61b34802aabfa6b673cbd3f8/edit_v2
