If anyone knows what it takes to be an overcomer, it’s Donna Tashjian. Pregnant at 15 in a society and era that treated unwed mothers as disgusting or less than deserving was challenging enough. In addition to that, her family thought being tough on her was helpful in making her strong. All the complications of being 15, a pregnancy that was not of her will and raising a baby with the bare basics, Donna learned how to turn to God and depend on Him to come through for her as she navigated raising a baby in a world that was not supportive.
Today, Donna is the founder of Vibrant Living International a non-profit organization. She specializes in helping you turn your baggage into luggage (don’t you just love that we can do that!?) so you can live the life of your dreams using and developing your spiritual intelligence.
I know I don’t give enough value to spiritual intelligence but there’s a lot of wealth in that. When I say wealth I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about rich understanding, deep knowledge, life changing revelation, restful peace, resonating joy, and all the beauty that comes with resting in God’s presence.
In this harsh environment, every dead end or brick wall she came to Donna experienced the value of leaning on God and learning who He wanted to be for her. With each meal on the table, every time the car started, her job, every act of protection and provision, Donna saw God’s hand and she let His faithfulness build her trust in Him.
Listen in and let Donna’s experience encourage your heart that you can never disappoint God.
And remember, keep your eyes on God because He’s writing a much bigger love story with you as the unique person He created you to be so that you can live loved and do more than survive, you can thrive!
Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
For more encouragement check out Charlie Griffin’s story: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/09/15/charlie-griffin-facing-the-lie-that-im-never-enough/
Connect with Donna
iVibrantLiving.com – make sure to get her free E-Book
616-916-1432
Social Media Connections
https://www.facebook.com/drtashjian/
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/donnatashjian/
Bio:
Donna is the founder of Vibrant Living International a non-profit organization. She is also a Life Mastery Coach, an ordained minister, podcaster, and author. She helps bring accelerated transformation to people across the world. Her passion is to help you reach your full potential. She specializes in helping you turn your baggage into luggage so you can live the life of your dreams using and developing your spiritual intelligence. Donna has been speaking and coaching for over 20 years.
She has developed powerful programs and workshops to help you through life’s transitions and challenges to achieve your goals or dreams. She says, “I will help you walk away from overwhelm, stress and self-doubt into peace and confidence, like a refreshing vacation for your body & soul.
She also produces a podcast is called “You Were Designed for Greatness” and has written 4 books.
Her clients say she has a knack for turning fear into excitement and exposing lies so the truth can shine through.
Transcript:
[00:00:00.730] – Donna Tashjian
One of the things that we don’t often realize is you can’t disappoint God. Let me describe what I mean by that. To be disappointed – if you, Sherrie, disappointed me, I would have expected you to to be different or do something different than you did, which would cause me to be disappointed in you, correct?
[00:00:22.180] – Sherrie Pilkington
Correct.
[00:00:23.510] – Donna Tashjian
But God isn’t disappointed in us because we can’t surprise him.
[00:00:27.800] – Sherrie Pilkington
True.
[00:00:29.150] – Donna Tashjian
And to think that we didn’t disappoint him by our bad mistakes, they didn’t catch him surprised. It’s like, okay, I’ve screwed up my life. There’s no hope now. I’m sorry, that’s just not true. Because no matter what we’ve done, we didn’t surprise him. He looked ahead and provided. He knew my whole life cycle before I was born.
[00:00:53.630] – Sherrie Pilkington
When life as you know it is flipped upside down, we struggle to make sense of it all. Why would a good God allow this to happen? Hi, I’m Sherrie Pilkington, your host of Finding God in Our Pain. In early 2018, the deepest questions of my life erupted when I unexpectedly lost my husband of 32 years. Since then, I’ve searched the heart of God for what he has to say about pain and suffering. In this podcast, we’ll discover how God enters into our pain, shepherds us through our darkest valley and out into the greener pastures. Once again, I’ll bring you first hand stories from women who will allow us into their authentic struggle, along with professional advice from experts, counselors, and others who can speak to what it looks like to navigate pain. Join me as we discover God’s answers to the deepest cries of our shattered heart. Donna Tashjian is the founder of Vibrant Living International, a nonprofit organization, and she specializes in helping you turn your baggage into luggage. Don’t you love that? So that you can live the life of your dreams, using and developing your spiritual intelligence. And I don’t think we give enough value to our spiritual intelligence. But there’s a lot of wealth in that. And when I say wealth, I’m not talking only about money. I’m talking about rich understanding or deep knowledge, life changing revelation or restful, peace, resonating, joy, and all the beauty that comes with resting in God’s presence. If anyone knows what it takes to be an overcomer it’s. Donna, pregnant at 15 in a society that treated unwed mothers as disgusting or less than deserving. Plus, her family thought being tough on her was helpful in making her strong. Donna learned how to turn to God and depend on him to come through for her as she navigated raising a baby with the bare basics. In a harsh social environment, every dead end solution or brick wall that she came to, Donna learned the value of leaning on God and learning who he wanted to be for her. With each meal on the table, a dependable car, a job, every act of protection, Donna saw God’s hand, and she let his faithfulness build her trust in him. Listen in and let Donna’s experience encourage your heart that you can never disappoint God. And remember, keep your eyes on God because he’s writing a much bigger love story with you as unique person he created you to be so that you can live, loved and do more than survive. You can thrive. Donna, welcome and thank you for being here. Our discussion today is around guilt and shame and trauma and then God’s loving kindness rewrites. That moving us from what we know as religion. And I don’t know if about you. I thought that was what it was supposed to be about religion until I had to cry out to the Lord at a time in my life where he had to be real for me. And then I find out that there’s far more intimacy than that. And so, Donna, tell me a little bit about your childhood.
[00:04:01.640] – Donna Tashjian
I didn’t really know my biological father. My parents were married, but I have no memories. And you don’t always know whether that’s good or bad. I have very few memories at all. But when mom told me things and they weren’t always good things, you know how that goes. When I was around five or six, they divorced. Looking back on it, had no clue. The feeling of your Daddy not wanting you to a little girl is a big deal. And so there was that desire to please, that desire to be perfect, that desire to be loved and whatever that took. So that was where I was coming from. My mom remarried. One of the good things that came out of that is I got a Daddy. He is an amazing man. Didn’t do everything perfect, but he loved me and I did know that. So that was an amazing thing that came out of it. My new Daddy brought two or three boys to the marriage. So now we are a blended family. My brother and I desperately trying to fit in because of all of the rejection that we felt. And so things didn’t go really easy. We looked really good to the public, though.
[00:05:18.770] – Sherrie Pilkington
That’s always the way, right?
[00:05:21.350] – Donna Tashjian
Everything looked really good, but we were picked on quite a bit. My mom being – I understand this now, but as a child, I would cry about them picking on me. And she’d say, well, stop crying and they’ll quit bugging you. They’re doing it because of the reaction. So, as a child, what does that mean? If I can’t physically cry, I have to stuff it. My mom, they remarried when I was eight and a half, roughly. So, this is all going on very young where I’m learning that I can’t be a crybaby because that was what I was called. And I am very tender hearted. And so things hurt me deeply. My daughter said my mom loves hard and deeply, and so she’ll cry, but she loves. And that’s one of the things about. So that was where I found myself.
[00:06:19.010] – Sherrie Pilkington
Kind of stuck between blending families. You’re tender hearted and now you’re being told to stuff that down. Well, not being told, but as a child, you translate that. What’s the other option that I have? And that would be to stuff.
[00:06:33.000] – Donna Tashjian
I mean, it was true. When I quit crying about everything, they left me alone.
[00:06:38.690] – Sherrie Pilkington
So that reinforced.
[00:06:40.090] – Donna Tashjian
So it wasn’t that my mom was trying to give me any kind of bad advice, but what that equated to is your feelings don’t matter. We moved around a lot, so I was generally the new kid in class, still trying to fit in. So, I generally was the only redhead. What happens when you’re the only anything in school? So there was a lot of teasing on the playground, and so was this constant feeling of I need to be perfect. I got straight A’s. I always, you know, DA, DA, DA, to try to fit in. And then at the age of 14, someone that we knew hurt me and I became pregnant. Now I’m definitely not perfect. This was not in the days where . . . Teenage pregnancies when I was a teenager was a lot less accepted, if you will, in society than it is today. So there was a lot of shame, even guilt, when we don’t deserve it. It wasn’t mine. To say that those years were hard . . . I can’t find the adjectives. But if you’re listening and you’ve been through abandonment, rejection, feeling like you’re not good enough, you know, there’s just no adjectives to describe that despair that you feel in your heart.
[00:07:59.840] – Sherrie Pilkington
And that’s the kind of wound that goes deep and it takes years to overcome. Those bruises from sticks and stones, they go away. But those words, they go deep. So it’s something that even I over abandonment, need. And I just got some recent nice healing there. But it heals and layers.
[00:08:20.530] – Donna Tashjian
It does.
[00:08:21.670] – Sherrie Pilkington
And that’s where I find myself with abandonment. But I’m 50s, late 50s and just getting another breakthrough on abandonment. But God is still willing to enter into that pain anytime I’m triggered. So you are getting this message reinforced. Why is it always the tender hearted ones?
[00:08:38.330] – Donna Tashjian
I don’t know.
[00:08:39.580] – Sherrie Pilkington
We need more tender hearted people, but they’re the ones to get shut down the fastest.
[00:08:43.380] – Donna Tashjian
Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know why that is tender heartedness and how we’re left feeling that way. So, I’m 15 when she’s born. I had a little girl and there was a lot – remember how I said we looked really good to the public? So my mom kept me hidden for her own reasons. But I interpreted it as you’re embarrassed about me and your shame and all of that kind of stuff. But something about teenage years, if we’re feeling sad, it’s not a ten, it’s a hundred.
[00:09:20.090] – Sherrie Pilkington
Right?
[00:09:20.970] – Donna Tashjian
I’m like everything is intensified during the teenage years. And that’s when I was going through all of this. And this is the days before Internet there was no cell phones, there was no Internet. So, the isolation and loneliness
[00:09:35.690] – Sherrie Pilkington
And then the hormones from pregnancy. They’re kicking in.
[00:09:39.760] – Donna Tashjian
All of that was going on. There was really no education about what was happening to my body. I had no clue even going into labor what was going to happen. There just wasn’t. Unless you went to the library, you couldn’t look it up on the Internet like we can today.
[00:09:57.890] – Sherrie Pilkington
What a scary time though. Isolation. All of this is going on emotionally, hormonally. You’ve been told to stuff it down. You’ve got guilt and shame piled on top of this. Society is treating you like you need to be hidden. And of course, your mother is being I know for us we respond to society, right. And we act out according to how we think society wants us to act. And so I can see why your mother would hide you away and keep you from shaming the family in public.
[00:10:29.190] – Donna Tashjian
Right.
[00:10:29.740] – Sherrie Pilkington
Wow. So where is the hope here in this isolation?
[00:10:33.260] – Donna Tashjian
Well, one of the things I grew up in a religious family and to me that’s a big difference between religion, religion when I say that, I mean, rules of standards. Again, trying to be perfect, something that you’re always trying to attain. We never quite get there. But one of the things that I encountered at twelve years old, I had an encounter with God that created the beginning of me developing an actual relationship. And when I was all alone, he was all I had. I couldn’t really talk to my mom because remember, I can’t tell her how I feel. That’s been going on for years. And so I don’t know whether she would have really been able to listen or not. But I had been conditioned, maybe a good word, to not share how I felt. So God was all I had. I spent most of the pregnancy crying. One of the things that that did is my daughter that I gave birth to cannot stand if anybody makes me cry. Really, it makes her off the charts. She does everything in the world not to have anybody make me cry. She will come out fighting just like I’m really okay.
[00:11:55.910] – Sherrie Pilkington
That’s true. She’s trying to protect her Mama.
[00:11:59.050] – Donna Tashjian
Yeah. She heard me crying almost all my pregnancy that I was aware of. But during that time I reached out to God. I had music, that’s one thing I had. I had my Bible and I had conversations with him. And they weren’t our father, our art in heaven. They weren’t those kind of repairs. They were just like, oh, God, right?
[00:12:24.680] – Sherrie Pilkington
Crying out.
[00:12:26.570] – Donna Tashjian
The ones that come from your gut. It’s like I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m lost. Does anybody ever going to love me? Am I worth anything? And all I can say during the pre delivery times was that I just felt his love, that somehow it was going to be okay. And I didn’t know how I get very angry with religion, because from my perspective, it stops me from relationship because I’m constantly trying to achieve something that God has already provided.
[00:12:59.990] – Sherrie Pilkington
That’s good.
[00:13:00.970] – Donna Tashjian
For me, that’s the difference. I don’t need to work for him to love me. He already does, even in the mess of everything. And that if you’re listening and you find yourself in those kind of moments that I’m describing that I lived through, is that if you call out to him, he will answer you. Do things get better overnight? No, but it’s a journey, and it’s something about, like a friend walking through something traumatic with you. They can’t make it better necessarily. God does a lot of that, but it’s just walking through those things with him and allowing him to do that.
[00:13:42.940] – Sherrie Pilkington
Yeah. Knowing you’re not alone. And the interesting thing from my experience is that people try really hard, and it does make a difference when they’re present and they show their love and their interest in us and their care for us. But really, only God can meet that deep, dark pain where it resonates in your being and you’re just broken there. But he can mend those things. Even like you mentioned a minute ago, about having that peace in the midst of the pain, because the struggle is real. Like you said, it doesn’t happen overnight. There is a real painful struggle to the process. What scripture are you holding on to during this time?
[00:14:20.770] – Donna Tashjian
Well, one of the ones is in Romans, and for those who love him, he works all things for good. There are so many Psalms about desperation of crying out to God, and when you seek him, you will find him. And so that was what I hang on to is that I knew he was my source. I wouldn’t have verbalized it that way as a teenager, but that’s articulating it now and that he would somehow turn this all for good. Would you like to hear how it turned out for good?
[00:14:56.900] – Sherrie Pilkington
I would love to hear how it turned out for good. We’re going to get to that for sure. You’ve got a lot that really is heartbreaking for a 15 year old who’s isolated and facing a real life crisis. Another human being entering your world at 15. So, that generation or this generation, it might be more accepted today, but it’s still quite a huge life transformation. What was your biggest fear?
[00:15:25.680] – Donna Tashjian
Not being a good mom. That was one of my biggest fears. I’m a child. My daughter’s name is Andrea, and I always wanted her. But knowing that somehow see, I’m already feeling like I’m a failure. So, what if I fail her? So, that was one of my biggest fears.
[00:15:47.390] – Sherrie Pilkington
When you have her, does the guilt and shame continue? Where your dreams gone? Were your goals on hold? Because now your focus was this baby, which would make sense. But what needed to be redeemed after her birth. I think you had mentioned in an earlier conversation is that all you wanted was to be married and have a family. But now . . .
[00:16:12.680] – Donna Tashjian
I didn’t know if anybody would ever love me was the actual belief that I had at the time. After she was born, I had a determination to prove everybody wrong. I’ve got a little sass going on, a little grit, and I think anybody who has been through some traumatic events, we’re survivors, not always thriving, but we’re survivors. And so there is a difference between those two, but I wanted to prove everybody wrong. So I graduated what we would call home schooling today before I was 17, and I was employed in a full time job by the time I was 18. Shortly, between 18 and 19, I got my own apartment. I’d been living with my parents. And I began to go to school at night for college, one course this semester, because that working full time, being a mom and going to college was what I was doing at that time.
[00:17:09.780] – Sherrie Pilkington
Because that reminds me, you would not have been able to finish high school.
[00:17:13.260] – Donna Tashjian
I would not.
[00:17:14.140] – Sherrie Pilkington
Not back then, no.
[00:17:15.570] – Donna Tashjian
Back then could not finish high school. So I did all of that with just me and God. My parents did not help me financially other than giving me a place to live. But other than that, it caused a lot of pain for a while that my mom didn’t help. But on the other hand, and I think in her perspective, she was trying I needed to grow up. I needed to do the things. And for whatever reason, it turned out for good. One of the other scriptures that was I said this not just every day, sometimes moment by moment is I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And in one of the versions I love, it says he infuses strength into me. And so I did some meditation on the word infusion. And I’m a tea drinker. And when you infuse water with tea, they become one. And so it isn’t just he gives you a shot of vitamin B and you’re on your way. It’s part of you. It becomes that joining together. And so there were days that I said every few minutes, I can do this because he’s giving me strength. And I give that to mostly the credit because I’m still trying to perform, still trying to get people to accept me, still trying to belong. All of that is still going on. But moment by moment. He was there.
[00:18:58.000] – Sherrie Pilkington
Giving you that peace that surpasses understanding his presence, really, his presence is everything. I say that often. His presence is everything because it gives you hope. The word gives you hope. That feeling of his presence, it can settle you, make you feel secure. Even though things look terrible on your budget sheet, you don’t even want to sit down to pay your bills because you know there ain’t enough money to pay them.
[00:19:22.300] – Donna Tashjian
Absolutely.
[00:19:23.490] – Sherrie Pilkington
So you’re hoping to get married or has that dream been dashed? Like, I’ve got to focus on raising a baby, going to school, making a job.
[00:19:33.390] – Donna Tashjian
For a long time, I was focused on that. I don’t think the dream ever went away, but I dated so many jerks, I decided all guys were jerks. I had decided that it would just be me and my daughter and God and that I would build a life around that. I wouldn’t say that I ever wanted to stop getting married, but God, I was content in that statement. It’s like that’s just the way it’s going to be. I need to keep myself and my daughter safe. And there’s a lot of jerks in the world. And when they see a very young person with a child, there’s all kinds of perceptions that are made about that that weren’t necessarily true. They weren’t true at all. So then when I met my husband, we met in college at night. When I met my husband and he asked me out, I kind of like, not really.
[00:20:28.270] – Sherrie Pilkington
Told him to get lost.
[00:20:29.910] – Donna Tashjian
I didn’t use it quite like that, but I wasn’t like, yes, when can we go? I wasn’t like that.
[00:20:38.150] – Sherrie Pilkington
It’s always when the right one comes along, you’ve given up at that point. But that brings me to this surrender with God. So, you lay this dream at his feet and say, you know what? It’s going to be me, you and my baby girl, and we’re going to have a good life. I’m going to serve you, love you, seek you. So you lay it all down and then you meet your husband.
[00:20:59.890] – Donna Tashjian
Yeah.
[00:21:01.730] – Sherrie Pilkington
So, what do you think is about that? Once we surrender, God then moves. That’s happened to me several times. I fight too long, I suppose. And then when I finally surrender, then he moves and answers my prayer in some way shape or form.
[00:21:16.920] – Donna Tashjian
Before when we’re trying to do it on our own and we’re trying to force things or – the other thing is that when I’m trying to control everything or trying to make something happen, that motivation is fear. It is fear based. And I had stepped over into trust and faith. To me, that is the key of surrender. Surrender just doesn’t sound good to American people, especially. It just doesn’t sound good, but what it is, is I’m putting my absolute trust and faith and I’m giving my dreams to him to allow him to make them happen because he says he would give us the desires of our heart. That was one of my other favorite scriptures, is that it’s not that if you give your life to God, he’s going to send you and make you do something you absolutely hate because that’s not love. If you listening have a child and they want to be XYZ, you want to make them happy. And God designed me and he knew what my desires were, but I surrendered the dreams to Him for allow him to make them happen the way he wanted to make them happen. And I was going to trust in that. To me, that is real surrender. It isn’t surrender that, okay, fine, I’ll just give it up and I’ll never get it. It’s not that kind. It’s the kind that I’m going to just trust you with them and allow you to do it instead of me being in fear.
[00:22:52.570] – Sherrie Pilkington
God is a good father. And he does give us all good things. And when we feel like he’s withholding something from us that is good, we still have to trust the fact that he is good. And I know that’s happened for me a couple of times in my life where even gives me a vision. And I’m thinking, okay, I’m going to work toward this vision. Work toward this vision. Then nothing happens like I thought it was supposed to happen. But as soon as I recline in him and look to him to say, all right, where are you going with this vision? And then things change. Things start to happen. I begin to understand Him in a different way. I’m learning what he’s revealing about Himself in the process, and then my desires become his desires in this context of what he was calling me or drawing me into. So, surrender is a beautiful thing with Christ. Not just surrendering to anyone or anything, but surrendering to Christ. He is trustworthy. I have learned that over the years, granted.
[00:23:46.800] – Donna Tashjian
A lot of times we’re standing in our own way. I don’t really come from the perspective of that God is withholding from us, but timing is important. And a lot of times I’m the stumbling block by trying to make it happen the way I’ve said, I’m a planner, okay? I love checklist. I love plans, all those kind of things. I’m a planner, and I have gone to God after disappointments in the past, and now we joke about it. I will say to him, here’s what I think should happen in case you need a plan.
[00:24:23.230] – Sherrie Pilkington
That’s good, though.
[00:24:25.210] – Donna Tashjian
And I’m like, I’m willing to do it your way. But I thought this one up.
[00:24:30.430] – Sherrie Pilkington
I’m more like, maybe not so much a planner, but I’m like, Lord, here’s my idea on how it should be done. So, maybe that is still planning in a sense. But yeah, if you’ve never heard God laugh out loud, tell him something like that, and then you’re like, Lord, is that you laughing? Backing up just a little bit when you moved out on your own at 18 and 19, that still had to be very scary. You had mentioned earlier in a conversation that we had where you held onto I believe it was Psalm 37:25, where part of it says, Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his sea begging in the street. Talk to me a little bit about how that brought you comfort.
[00:25:06.070] – Donna Tashjian
As I said, I was in the Bible. I was reading the Word. The difference between reading it at church and just hearing it and daily making this a part of your life, that’s a huge difference. And there were times where I didn’t know how I was – I paid the rent, but didn’t know quite how I was going to feed and buy food I had applied for food stamps and assistance from the state. It was called food stamps, assistance from the state. I’m a single woman. I applied for it and working full time, I made one dollar too much, and they wouldn’t give me any help. Now if I had stopped and just stayed home, I could have got my rent paid. I could have gotten things done, but I didn’t. And so I relied on God. And there were days where it was tomato soup and hot dogs or things that I still remember. A can of tomato soup was like $0.16 in those days. We’re going back a few years. Hot dogs were cheap and so not that they were nutritious. And so God promised that I wouldn’t have to beg, that he would take care of me. And he did. He absolutely did.
[00:26:20.070] – Sherrie Pilkington
That’s another layer of comfort, too. That security that he provides for us. I remember when I moved out at 18, but I got kicked out of my house at 18, is the real story. Ramen noodles were the bomb. I mean, ramen noodles. What were they $0.16 a pack?
[00:26:35.370] – Donna Tashjian
Absolutely. I think they were ten for me. Something like that.
[00:26:39.530] – Sherrie Pilkington
They held you over that can of tuna fish. Get that for lunch and dinner?
[00:26:43.650] – Donna Tashjian
Yes.
[00:26:44.650] – Sherrie Pilkington
You’re making it. Hey, I had an apartment, I had a car, and I had a job. But you’re right, I paid those bills, but I needed to eat.
[00:26:50.480] – Donna Tashjian
Eating was secondary.
[00:26:52.340] – Sherrie Pilkington
Exactly. Can you talk to me a little bit about the difference between surviving and thriving? Like, what does it feel like to survive versus when you know you’re in the space of thriving?
[00:27:05.350] – Donna Tashjian
Surviving to me is a constant struggle. It’s always defensive or fight mode. It’s that constant feeling of struggle. I had that for a lot of my adult life. When I was married, it’s a constant feeling of still needing to struggle and still needing to prove something. Thriving is – you use the word reclining. It’s learning that I am enough where I am on my journey and learning how to embrace who you are instead of trying to be. And the other thing is, embrace your scars. Embrace the pain points. This was a story we kept secret, and for me to begin to tell people was a big deal. So this didn’t happen overnight where you’re talking about your pain points, but begin to embrace your scars and embrace that they’re part of you. I often call turning your baggage into luggage is one of the things I do as a coach and my baggage is, Why did this happen? Why did this happen to me? This isn’t right. This isn’t fair. No one ever paid. And all of those kind of feelings and the grief and the loss of everything that little 14 year old person girl lost and staying in that. And even though we still go on, it’s like we’re still kind of dragging that around. One of the things that when my husband and I were married is he would say, I love you. And it’s a joke. Now, we’ve been married 37 years. And I would say, what? And he’d say, I love you. And I’d go, what? Because he knew everything. And he knew that I needed to hear it again. I just wanted to hear him say it again. You look pretty today. What? Whatever it was that he said, because I needed to believe it. I needed to believe it because when I began to believe it, then I receive it.
[00:29:20.860] – Sherrie Pilkington
And then you live in the believing of that. And that’s how you carry yourself into the world. So that’s another encouraging notice that there are good men still.
[00:29:29.540] – Donna Tashjian
There are a lot of good men. Often it is unfortunate, we really begin to attract what we expect.
[00:29:38.410] – Sherrie Pilkington
That has to do with identity, too.
[00:29:42.130] – Donna Tashjian
It does. And that’s why I was talking about we get in our own way is because I quit expecting jerks and decided to let it go. And when that happened, I attracted a man, an incredible man. So, have we had our moments over 37 years? I’m not going to pretend like everything’s been rosy, but life isn’t. But we did it together. Learning to be able to do things together and go from – to me, your question initially was surviving and thriving and learning to be able to receive love, to learn to believe that everything that happens is actually can be turned for good. I wouldn’t have met my husband, first of all, at night college without this. I wouldn’t be where I am today and helping women all around the globe to be able to live and be who God created them, to be, to find their purpose, to find why and to be able to step into the life they’ve always dreamed.
[00:30:46.950] – Sherrie Pilkington
And you wouldn’t have had a best buddy who is only a few years younger than you are to do life with as well.
[00:30:52.060] – Donna Tashjian
Absolutely.
[00:30:52.990] – Sherrie Pilkington
Your daughter.
[00:30:54.040] – Donna Tashjian
Absolutely.
[00:30:55.030] – Sherrie Pilkington
So, maybe surviving versus driving is when we go from even the concept, the belief, the thought, the identity of I am not enough to I am enough now. There’s a struggle in between that transition into understanding how God feels about us, who he is. Because I think a lot of times when we discover who God is, we discover who we are. And then when we dig a little deeper and look to see what he says about us, how he attends to us, his intimacy with us. And I think that’s what begins to transform that whole way of thinking about who we are and what we deserve, because identity does set you up. You believe that you’re worthy of marrying or the job. You’re worthy of the way people treat you, all of that stuff. And so to me, that’s huge. When you think about it like that, it’s everything.
[00:31:46.440] – Donna Tashjian
Yes. One of the stories that came to mind that tells how God speaks to our hearts in those moments is I am married, happily married, involved in my church, in leadership when all this occurred. I’ve got a teenager and younger kids that came from my marriage, still struggling with the I don’t need to prove anything kind of feeling. The performance mentality. One of the things that I was in this group that we were digging deeper into what God really believed and said about us, what did he actually provide for us through the cross? One of the things that always bothered me is my name, because my biological father’s name was Donnie and I was supposed to be a boy, according to him being his firstborn. And I was a girl, so I was named after him. And that always bugged me. This named after him that somebody that didn’t even really want me, didn’t even want who I was and then rejected and left. God told me during this thing to look up what my name meant, and I think I’m in my 30s. And so I looked it up and it means Gracious Lady. And he said, what does gracious mean? And it means to be like God. And he said, they may have wanted to name you after because you were supposed to be something, but I named you after me.
[00:33:24.860] – Sherrie Pilkington
And that’s so like him.
[00:33:26.780] – Donna Tashjian
And that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about is like only he could have led me on that path to speak something that mattered to my heart, that I hadn’t told anybody, that it bothered me. I hadn’t actually even talked to him about it. It was just one of the things that came up and he led me on that journey to discover that. So I’m trying to live up to Gracious Lady and everything I do and be that woman to everyone I encounter.
[00:33:55.690] – Sherrie Pilkington
What a great example, too, of when we press into God for that intimacy with Him and that he speaks into these places of doubt or pain, just like he did again for me with my abandonment issue, it was a precious time of intimacy with him. My mother had kicked – well, she shouldn’t kick us out of the car. We were fighting on who was going to ride shotgun when she got mad, told my brother, who was a year older than I was. I was probably six or seven and he would have been seven or eight to shut the door. So, he shuts the door and she drives off and she doesn’t come back. So, we stand and we wait we stand and we wait. She still doesn’t come back. So, finally we decide we probably should start walking toward home. So, we’re walking along the side of the street when she finally comes, pulls up, and we get in the truck. But she always threatened to leave me places. And so now I know that she will leave me places. And so, that was this reoccurring dream that I had of her. We’d be somewhere, and she would leave me, and I would see her and I would wave and she would look at me, and then she would just drive off like she wouldn’t even wave or anything, but I would see her lock eyes. So, anyway, I asked the Lord, Where were you in that moment? Why would you leave me all alone? And he shows me a vision. I get a vision. And he is walking beside me with his hand on my back, and he’s looking down at me as if he’s talking to me or caring for me. And so that right there was just such a relief to me. And I feel like that’s probably my last layer of healing for abandonment. But if I get triggered again, then God’s got more for me with regard to healing and abandonment issue, and I’m prepared for that. But I’m going to enjoy the beauty of where I’m at right now and the freedom that I have in this level. So when we press in, my point being, when we press into God for intimacy with Him, he has never failed to show me who he is or what I mean to Him. So intimacy with God is everything over religion. We can’t simply have experience and no knowledge, but we can’t simply have knowledge and no experience. So that’s how you bridge, in my opinion, that’s how you bridge that religion to relationship. Any thoughts on what I shared?
[00:35:53.840] – Donna Tashjian
Experiential is one of the things that’s missing from religion. Is the experiencing God’s love or experiencing Him touching your heart for whatever pain point we have. I call this whole process – and usually it’s around forgiveness, because this is another key component to forgiving the people that have hurt us, as I call it, like an onion. It’s like I peel it and I cry and heal. And then God goes, the Holy Spirit says, OK, that’s enough for now. And then a little while later. Okay, we’re ready. Let’s do another layer. And it’s not that I didn’t forgive or that I didn’t do healing. It is a process to be able to go deeper with God and learn that. And so that’s what I mean by embracing your journey. It’s like, it’s okay. It’s like enjoying the moment that you’re in the thankfulness for what we’re in. If there’s more, there’s more. But I’m on a journey and being who I am and being okay with who I am because I’m loving accepted where I am, not when I get there, but where I am and learning to do that in an experiential way, because when we seek Him, we will find him.
[00:37:17.070] – Sherrie Pilkington
This life has wounds and trauma and brokenness, but it’s God who enters into that he has no fear of entering into the middle of your hot mess. My hot mess, I should say, and walking you through it like it’s his presence that helps you navigate the strangeness of this life or the pain of this life. He said he would never leave us alone, and he most certainly has never left me alone in the midst of my pain, in the midst of my bad decisions. When I got kicked out of the house, I say this all the time, my listeners know this about me. I had more survival skills than I had relationship skills. So, I was set up to make poor decisions and do things that were not conducive to what got to God’s best, to what God had for me. I get it. And I love that he definitely folds that stuff into our story. He uses every bit of it, doesn’t waste any of it. So why should we hide from him with it? There’s healing to be had.
[00:38:13.860] – Donna Tashjian
One of the things that we don’t often realize is you can’t disappoint God. And let me describe what I mean by that. To be disappointed – if you, Sherrie, disappointed me, I would have expected you to be different or do something different than you did, which would cause me to be disappointed in you, correct?
[00:38:35.450] – Sherrie Pilkington
Correct.
[00:38:36.790] – Donna Tashjian
But God isn’t disappointed in us because we can’t surprise Him.
[00:38:41.080] – Sherrie Pilkington
True.
[00:38:42.730] – Donna Tashjian
And to think that we didn’t disappoint him by our bad mistakes, they didn’t catch him surprised. It’s like, okay, I’ve screwed up my life. There’s no hope now. I’m sorry, that’s just not true. Because no matter what we’ve done, we didn’t surprise him. He looked ahead and provided. He knew my whole life cycle before I was born, and it doesn’t surprise him. So, you listening: you are not a disappointment to God.
[00:39:12.200] – Sherrie Pilkington
Amen.
[00:39:12.810] – Donna Tashjian
You’re not too far gone. You haven’t messed up too much. You haven’t made too many bad decisions that he can’t make it good. And I know in the middle of it, both you and I, Sherrie, have not felt like that was possible. But we’ve lived a little bit longer than perhaps you listening. And if not, if we’re the same age, he can still make it good. It can still turn around. He takes our ashes and gives us beauty, our mourning and gives us joy. And only God can do that.
[00:39:47.450] – Sherrie Pilkington
Hey, if you find yourself sitting in a pile of ash and rubble and dirt, just remember dirt in the right hands, God’s hands becomes new life. There really is no excuse for us to stay in shame and guilt when we have Jesus, when we have God, we bring these things to his feet. We lay them there, and he has provided healing. He has provided restitution. He has provided covering over those things. Not that we’re immune to consequences for our choices, but God does remove the guilt and the shame for those things. Talk to me a little bit now about how, like Joel 2:25, I will repay you for the years that were eaten by the locusts. You have a husband who is a fabulous man, so God bless you with that dream of a husband and a family because you went on to have more children as well. How has God restored what the locust has eaten for you?
[00:40:42.230] – Donna Tashjian
I don’t necessarily know that I look backwards, because I did for a lot of years is mourn in the losses of things. But what I’ve learned is that we can look in the rear view mirror and try to drive our car down the road and we crash. Or I can look out the windshield and be thankful for the scenery in front of me and beside me in the moment. And so to me, the most thing that is restorative is that all things can be turned for good and that there is joy and gratitude wherever I find myself today. I didn’t always do that so good in the past, but I often talk to people when I’m meeting with clients. Is they’re in that I shoulda, woulda, coulda all of those kind of feelings? And I’ll say, Where are you looking? Are you looking out the windshield? Are you looking in your rear view mirror and mourning our past? Now, there’s a part of grief that we need to mourn. There is a part of that, but most of us stay in there too long. In Psalms 23, he said he walked through the valley of shadow of death. Well, I’ve pitched a tent there.
[00:41:57.010] – Sherrie Pilkington
I have, too, at times.
[00:41:58.600] – Donna Tashjian
I’m going to build a house and I’m going to camp here and we’re supposed to be moving through it. I began to look for the things that’s going to be restorative. I look for the blessings in the future. Instead of what I’ve quote, lost. I look at what is ahead of me, what is don’t let that period or incident or whatever it is in your life be your whole book. Let it be a paragraph. Let it be a chapter and close it and begin to look forward out of your front, in the windshield of your car, so to speak.
[00:42:35.170] – Sherrie Pilkington
This is beautiful because we can’t pitch the tent in our pain and suffering. But as you mentioned, it is important that you grieve it. But we can’t stay there. I didn’t want to be known for my pain, my grief. I wanted to be known as full of life and full of joy again. Do I miss my husband? Yes, I miss my husband. Do I still mourn him? I have my days. They’re farther and farther between. But I have those times where I just have my little cleansing cry, God’s drawing me out into that green pasture again. And I do look forward to that green pasture again.
[00:43:08.450] – Donna Tashjian
A lot of times I’m crying beside the river and he is restoring my soul. So cleansing and crying about that is healing it’s restorative and that he’s healing our soul. Because the way I used a similar terminology is, Daddy, this hurts. Make it better. It’s like I can’t. I’m giving the pain to you. I’m giving you my hopes and my dreams and trusting you with them. And you need to make it better. And allowing him to do that, not camping out in the grief, begin to look with hope. To me that’s that scripture and Joel, the best is yet to come, not the other way around.
[00:43:51.000] – Sherrie Pilkington
Amen. I know that for me I’m more filled with hope when I take my eyes off myself and my situation and put them on God. Because one of Satan’s most cruel weapons that he uses against us is the would’ves, should’ves and could’ves. And so at times when I pitched my tent in that Valley of the shadow of death, and when I say that Valley, I just mean that deep dark pain. When I was in that dark pain, I was still struggling with Him, I was still talking to Him. Even in that there’s a process of moving forward. Because now I’m getting all my questions out, now I’m processing with the Lord and I will say it is important to struggle well with God. I think it’s important that we ask the tough questions. But like you say, don’t get stuck there.
[00:44:38.320] – Donna Tashjian
God is more interested in my relationship with Him and the growth that I have, the fortitude, the gifts of the Spirit, me being like Him than he is in my circumstances. But most of our prayers are not on make me like you God. It’s about, would you fix this? And that’s not his primary focus to fix stuff, even though he does a lot of times, the thing that’s getting fixed, if you will, it’s the growth in me. It’s not always do my circumstances change and so why I’m saying that is my focus is relationship, not circumstances.
[00:45:16.700] – Sherrie Pilkington
One of the things that has been precious to me is when something happens to move from Lord, make this go away. Lord, if you’re in this, it shouldn’t be painful. Then moving to alright, sitting in the pain, sitting in the struggle and going, Lord, who are you in the midst of this? Reveal yourself to me in this. So, I’m no longer praying for the pain to go away. I’m praying for God to reveal Himself in this context. You had mentioned that your friend calls you a walking miracle, but you know yourself that miracles don’t happen overnight. There’s a lot of painful processing that goes on. Can you share a little bit about what it looks like to be a miracle? How do you get to this miracle that other people say hey, I know your life. And wow, look what’s happened. Well, look what God’s done.
[00:46:07.550] – Donna Tashjian
When the person said that to me. It was an acquaintance who was looking at me from a little bit of a distance and heard my story and made that statement, and I thanked them. But I thought, this miracle – I mean he’s talking about me – was one little decision after another. It was one more time saying I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me when I felt like I couldn’t go on, when I didn’t have strength to even move, let alone do what I needed to do in my life. It’s those one any little moment by moment decisions that we made and when we fall down, getting up again, when we’re mad at God for, forgiving ourselves and forgiving Him. It’s those moment by moment little decisions that create miracles. Major things as a miracle. But life is full, absolutely packed with these little moment by moment miracles. God is showing me that about my name. He didn’t have to do that. It’s those moment by moment things that create miracles in our life and that people sit back and look at where I was to where I am today, and there’s amazement, and I know who to give the credit to. I didn’t have to choose it. I could have made completely different choices. And it was tempting to go in the wrong direction through it all. His anchor helped me to be able to not do what everybody thought I would do. The way the pool was. I wanted to be loved. Look for the miracle every day. Look for the little moments, every day. Little things to be thankful for that the sun came up and you saw a beautiful sunrise, that you saw a flower, that you saw a bird, someone bought you a coffee. All the little things in life that people don’t have to do that there’s a lot of miracles to be thankful for.
[00:48:07.770] – Sherrie Pilkington
It’s a gift of choice, and we get to use it every day, all day long. Choosing to believe this, choosing to believe that, choosing to value this, choosing to value that, be thankful for this, overlook it here. The gift of choice that God gave us is miraculous. Yeah, it’s miraculous. You’re right. It’s miraculous. And like you mentioned to me, I don’t quite understand it. But God’s word is living. And so when you use that for your anchor, when you choose to believe that he is who he said he is based on his word, that he’s going to do what he says he’s going to do, there’s life in that there’s shifting, in that there’s mindset change.
[00:48:42.590] – Donna Tashjian
Absolutely.
[00:48:43.630] – Sherrie Pilkington
In rewriting this life, this world with his truth and with his word. Powerful stuff.
[00:48:49.540] – Donna Tashjian
Yes, it is living. It is not quoting just a book off the shelf. There is something living and energizing and piercing that gets to the root of things that nothing else does.
[00:49:01.040] – Sherrie Pilkington
As I look at your story, you’ve moved from a little girl who felt abandoned, and then there was shame and isolation. And then God comes in and gives you hope, and he restores dreams, and you’re considered a miracle. Where has God got you today? What is God using as part of your redemption?
[00:49:21.530] – Donna Tashjian
The Ministry I’m involved in is called Vibrant Living International. I am primarily a life mastery coach. I’m also a Minister, but my focus is helping people find out who they really are and what the inheritance is that God has provided for us. Turning our baggage into luggage so that we can create the life we’ve always dreamed, learning how to live from our spirit. We’re a spirit. How do we live that way when everything in the world is temporal? And how do we learn to live that way and walk and so we can partner with God? And what he wants to do in and through you is what I love to do every day.
[00:50:07.880] – Sherrie Pilkington
When you spoke of inheritance, talk to me a little bit about that. What God has given us as an inheritance.
[00:50:13.850] – Donna Tashjian
I don’t think we have enough time. Almost everyone knows that Jesus died. No matter what religion, no matter what their belief system are, no matter where they are, they’ve heard that Jesus died for us. What does that mean? Is what I mean by inheritance. Because if I had a will and I do and I die, then my will is executed. My descendants get whatever I left them, and Jesus died and left a will. It’s called a Covenant. And what did that provide for us? And all the things we’ve talked about today and we’ve hit on is part of the things that he provided for us. One of my life passions, and I say this often, is one of my life missions is to experience everything he paid for. And I don’t know that if I will get there by the time I go to heaven, but that’s my mission is to live every day like that. And so it’s discovering. It’s things that are hidden that we don’t know about yet. What does that mean? And to be able to live in that and create the life that he wants for us.
[00:51:25.280] – Sherrie Pilkington
That sounds like a very rich conversation to have, because my mind is everywhere. It’s just endless, endless what he’s done, what he’s left in a will that God gives us. And that means both eternally and even here where you’re saying that I want it all before I leave here. I want what was supposed to be given to me here. I want it. So that’s pretty exciting, because God is the God of adventure. You think it’s an adventure? You think you like adventure? God has got adventure.
[00:51:51.530] – Donna Tashjian
He’s got such a sense of humor from creation and creativity, and he put it there for us to discover he didn’t have to do that in science and all of the things that we’re discovering. He created that adventurous, creativeness in us. And so let’s live to our fullest potential.
[00:52:12.550] – Sherrie Pilkington
Amen, sister. Amen.
[00:52:13.910] – Donna Tashjian
Vibrant Living.
[00:52:15.310] – Sherrie Pilkington
Vibrant Living Ministries. Is there anything that I have not asked you about that my listener must know today before you leave?
[00:52:22.050] – Donna Tashjian
I just want to reiterate again is I’m here if you feel like you want somebody to talk to and to get some more support in wherever you are on your journey.
[00:52:33.730] – Sherrie Pilkington
One last question. When you think about some of the dark places that you’ve been in as a young child or as raising a daughter, questioning God about how am I supposed to turn my baggage into luggage? What is something beautiful that God said to you in the darkness?
[00:52:49.520] – Donna Tashjian
Everything was going to be okay. That I’ve got you. Everything is going to be okay. No matter wherever we find ourselves, that never goes out of style. We’ve lived in a crazy world the last couple of years. There’s so much propaganda of fear. There is a real crisis, but there’s a propaganda of fear going on and learning that no matter what, he’s got me keeps me out of fear and in faith.
[00:53:19.790] – Sherrie Pilkington
Donna has so much more for you if you reach out to her. But if the only thing you remember today is that God is telling you that he’s got you, that will be enough. Lean into him, press into him, and grow your intimacy with him as a relationship. Donna, thank you, my friend. I appreciate your conversation today and I look forward to providing more information about your Ministry to my listeners.
[00:53:39.320] – Donna Tashjian
Sounds great. Thank you, Sherrie.
[00:53:41.380] – Sherrie Pilkington
Thank you for your time and for sharing this experience with my guests. I hope you have found encouragement for today and a deeper revelation of God’s heart in the midst of pain and suffering. We’d love to have you as a subscriber to Finding God in Our Pain, so that you can be connected with all my guests as they share their personal experiences and professional knowledge about pain and suffering. And because this podcast is a division of the website A Life of Thrive. For more information and the various ways you can connect with us, please visit the website ALifeofThrive.com. I look forward to sharing more transparent stories from the hearts of women who intimately know what it means to have their world flipped upside down, their authentic struggle to make sense of it, and what recovery and healing looks like. Til then, sweet woman, remember you are not alone. And that God speaks the most beautiful things in the dark.
