God’s truth is a lifeline for us. In this blog, I want to talk specifically about abandonment. It doesn’t matter if it happened moments ago or decades past, or is ongoing; it’s never too late to be set free. If the pain still exists, God wants to heal it.
When we experience trauma, our minds go to work trying to make sense of what has happened. If it cannot make sense of it, then the mind will create a survival skill. This survival skill will either keep you from feeling the pain or will take your focus off it.
There are countless ways people try to deal with things they feel are out of their control. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, pornography, affair(s), becoming a workaholic, shopaholic, developing tics, anxiety, depression, suicide ideology, attempting suicide, isolating … the list goes on and on. Even abandonment feels like an option because people who are hurt will hurt other people.
Anything and everything that points you in a direction other than God’s truth is an attempt to fill the void that only He can.
One of the recurring dreams I used to have as a child revolved around one of the parenting methods my mother used to keep us in line. As a child, if I acted up in the store she’d say, “I’ll leave you right here.” During my high school years, I’d head out for a date and her parting words would be her form of birth control, “You ever get pregnant while in my house, you better find somewhere to go because you won’t be staying here.” And while you may be able to relate to those things as a frustrated parent, she did something that set her threats in concrete for me at an early age.
When I was 7 years old, my brother and I were fighting over who was going to sit shotgun in the truck on the ride home. Neither one would give in, and my mom got irritated. She yelled for my brother to shut the door, and then she drove off. We waited. She didn’t come back. We waited. She didn’t come back. We finally headed in the direction we thought home would be. She eventually picked us up alongside the road as we were walking. Her actions showed me her words weren’t just a threat. She was serious.
The dream that terrorized me always took place in a store or somewhere away from home. I’d look for her, always going to the main door last. I’d spot her in the parking lot getting into the car. She would look up, make eye contact with me, then climb into the car and drive away. In my dream, she never came back.
For whatever reason she chose those words as a form of discipline. My heart received it as a threat of isolation and abandonment. This method gave Satan a tool to use against me every chance he could.
I want to share today the healing balm God gives me, as He continues to bring restoration from the pain of abandonment. Over the years I’ve received layers of healing on the topic of abandonment, but the other day I received what I believe to be the final layer.
While I’ll enjoy the freedom and peace that God has given me in this new revelation, I’ll still be ready for another breakthrough should He prompt me to one. Ultimately, if I’m triggered or if a memory has pain attached to it, then I’ll know God has more healing for me.
When what I think meets what He knows, His beauty and truth are brought into the lies I believe, rewriting them from the inside out.
Every single layer of healing has been because God challenges a lie that I have believed. Healing comes from spending intimate time with Him, being transparent, and asking tough questions. He reveals the things that we even deceive ourselves about and, in doing so, He extracts the lie, roots and all.
My breakthrough came as I sat with my friend who does Theophostic prayer counseling. I had shared with her that I’d like another layer of healing for abandonment. Specifically, to put to rest that dream of watching my mother drive away and never look back.
While not as systematic as it once was, that dream still had the ability to shake my confidence. It surfaced again after my husband unexpectedly passed. Even though I could reason that my husband had no choice in his departure and therefore doesn’t qualify as abandonment, it triggered that pain like a dig in my heart.
My friend gently led me through some purposeful questions that brought me to the place of asking God point blank, “Where were You when I was walking alongside the road as a little girl?”
In His sweetness, He gave me a vision. I saw Jesus walking beside me with His hand on my back as if to guide me and protect me from the traffic.
I didn’t know the Lord at that point in my life. I hadn’t chosen Him, but He had chosen me. I hadn’t done anything to deserve His affection or protection. I was not aware of His presence, but my false perception didn’t keep Him from fulfilling His promise to never leave me. He didn’t need my approval or even my acknowledgement. He was simply being who He is, a Father who loves His children dearly.
For many years I believed I was alone. But Jesus was there all along.
Hold this truth close to your heart … any time you think you are alone, no matter the circumstance, remember it’s a lie of the enemy. The truth is, God is present. Engage Him, call to Him, perceive Him.
I have loved the Lord since I was 12 years old, and my walk has been on a consistent growth pattern since I was 30. I’m currently in my late 50’s. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that all God wants is oneness with us. That’s it.
Life’s not fair. It can be cruel and downright heartbreaking. But the God of the Holy Bible is the God who is not affected or impacted by evil. He fulfills all His promises in the midst of our reality. When He said He’d never leave us, He meant it. Every single syllable God releases into our existence is purposeful. Nothing—and I do mean nothing—is wasted in God’s value system.
Do you need God to rewrite some lies for you today? Do you struggle with abandonment in any form? Is pain attached to memories? Take your pain to the One who is intimately acquainted with deep sorrow.
The beauty of having not just someone but the One to whom we can take our pain and leave it at the foot of the cross is that He would never leave us alone in our sin and lies. He’s gone ahead of us and provided a remedy for our healing. The cross of Christ is proof that He would never leave us. Most assuredly, He would not leave us when evil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He would never let us endure that alone. He’ll be right beside us, with His hand on our backs, protecting and guiding.
Live Loved and Thrive!
Read more on this topic: https://alifeofthrive.com/2021/03/23/dear-god/
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- Do you have a memory or were words spoken to you that still grieve your heart?
- What have you done to process this pain? Write out what you’ve done.
- In what ways has what you’ve done to try and process the pain helped or not helped?
- Have you asked God to help you process it?
- With regard to how you asked God to help you process, list reasons it was or was not helpful.
Use God’s Word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His Word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s Word says about His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
… I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)
Translation: As the beloved daughter of the King, there will never come a time, place, or circumstance where God will ever leave you or turn His back on you. Exercise: Regarding a painful memory: Set aside some quiet one-on-one time with God. Bring your pain and the memory to Him. Ask Him to help you see the situation through His faithfulness. You can write out how you feel, what you perceive, and what you believe about the incident. Then hold up each thing you wrote down and ask God what He has to say. What is His truth in this situation? What does He want you to know about it? Ask Him all the questions that come to your mind and heart. Pause and listen for Him to respond. Write down what you hear, think, feel, perceive. Then pray with Him about what you feel you’ve heard from Him.
