Investing in Relationship

Money makes the world go around. Story makes the world go around, and relationship makes the world go around. But relationship creates story, and it makes money worth the pursuit. How then can we increase our connections for a deeper relationship? 

While money will add options to a relationship, it will never be the glue that holds it together. Can a generous man or woman have people at their beck and call? Yes, but money equates to material things and that will never satisfy the longing of the heart to be known, seen, heard, loved.

How can we set the roots deep for an intimate relationship? Not sexual intimacy but the type of intimacy where you are completely known and thoroughly loved?

There is a Cornerstone to establishing relationship, and it sets the pace, creates boundaries that protects our hearts, and gives us clarity for all of our other relationships. The Cornerstone is Christ. People want to love us, and they mean well, but no one can, does, or will love you like Christ. 

If you were to make a realistic list of the perfect husband, friend, or father, you could find various Bible scriptures about Christ that would fit each of your qualifications. Want a love that seeks you out, finds you, and can never be separated from you? (Romans 8:37-39). Need a friend? (John 15:15).  How about a faithful husband? (Isaiah 54:5). A protector? (Deuteronomy 31:6). A provider? (Philippians 4:19). I could go on and on. 

Relationship can feel very complicated. It’s so simple, yet we make it so complicated. There are many elements with regard to one’s responsibility and accountability based on the level of relationship, but I think the strongest two components are conversation and listening. 

The time, energy, discipline, etc., that we invest will indicate the return we receive. Unless of course, we’re with someone who is not willing or capable to return the same investment. In that case, we have our answer on the degree of relationship we can expect. With Christ though, we can always expect His response to be based on His great love for us. 

Here’s how I discovered God’s heart for me and what He has to say about pain and suffering. I stumbled my way through until I understood where and how He was guiding me. I discovered I was safe being vulnerable with Him, and I gained a new experiential understanding of what it means for perfect love to cast out fear.  

#1 Talk to—not at

#2 Talk with—not about

#3 Go to—don’t wait

Talk to—not at: Talking to someone means you’re sharing who you are in an authentic way.

In my pain, I have said things to God in rough, insensitive ways, and I’ve said painful words at God. He knows my heart, and He knows the difference between when I want an argument or I need the reassurance of His love for me. 

He has never once engaged me in an argument and yet He never withholds His love for me in either situation. He knows me in the intimate way that a Creator knows His beloved. His response to me is rooted in His power, authority, and passion. 

Talk with—not about: I would talk with the Lord and share deep questions about my pain. I would listen for Him to speak into my spirit with the beauty of who He is. 

In our exchange He’d bring scripture to mind, create a crossroad for me with a specific song, etc. There were many times when I said nothing and He said nothing, but the overwhelming awareness of His presence enveloped me in His peace that surpassed any ability for me to understand.

To be in such immense pain and yet reclining in the surety of who God is … there is no price tag for that. He is the diamond in the desert. 

Satan is always positioning himself to separate us from God. His number one goal is to destroy us and ruin our ability to know and enjoy God on this side of eternity. If we talk about how a good God does horrible things and how unjust we’ve been treated, you’d better believe Satan uses this opportunity to attach himself to your pain and dig it deep into your heart.

Talking directly to God about your pain and allowing Him to speak truth into those places is the only safe place to let your pain be worked out. 

Go to—don’t wait: I didn’t wait for the Lord to come to me. Yes, He is always present, but He never forces Himself upon us. If He’s anything, He’s a Father and a gentleman first. 

I didn’t sit around praying, “Lord, please be here and help me. Lord, please show up and take this pain from me,” etc. No, I went to Him and in my heart posture I said things like, “God, thank You that You love me. Thank You for the beauty of Your presence. I trust You to get me through this. I know that You are a good, good Father and that You give good things to Your beloved.”

I spoke to Him knowing He was already there. I entered into His presence as a way of choosing and connecting with Him. I recalled all the good things He had done for me in the past, and I would tell Him that I believed He would do similar acts of His love and kindness for me again.

These three practices are how I intimately know that God speaks the most beautiful things in the dark. 

What I have shared is not exclusive to growing a deeply rooted relationship with Christ. It will also serve you well in all your personal relationships. 

Let me go over the three again from an everyday person-to-person perspective. 

Talk to—not at: Think about how to share your thoughts and opinions in a way that does not put others on the defensive. Not a this-or-that, take-it-or-leave-it attitude but one that sets an atmosphere for you to be heard. 

If you’re looking for an argument, your tone and mannerism will give you away. You’ll be left in the same situation as when you started. An argument with even more emotion attached to it vs a genuine problem-solving conversation where connection is made, healing starts, and moving forward in a healthy relationship is the payoff. 

Talk with—not about: It’s my opinion that soap operas have incredible longevity based on this one fact: The simple act that, no matter the problem, the people who have the direct conflict never talk about it but instead talk with everyone around them about it. Instead, open up a two-way conversation where ideas and personal thoughts/feelings are spoken.

Listen to what is being said. Look at body language, and match it to their actions.

Go to—don’t wait: Don’t wait for people to do what you think they need to do or believe that they’ll figure out what you need and fulfill your expectations. Unmet expectations can be some of the most painful experiences, but you have control over your expectations and your response when they have not been met.  

Decide if what you need to talk about is important. Crossed boundaries, broken trust, and physical injuries, etc., are pains you do not want to internalize. Ask God to give you His spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you can know if you need to take action or make peace with whatever it is.

While God comes to us in perfection and pure motives in that we do not have to guess His heart for us, it is a different story with our fellow broken human beings. God’s Word says the heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9). He gives us a heads up to on this fact and He also gives us His wisdom regarding matters of the heart. Our good Father is always preparing, equipping and warning. 

Interacting with God in these three ways reveals for us how we can make deep connections with others. What we learn about God gives us a revelation of how to gauge another person’s value system. At the very least, we get discernment into the heart condition of others.