One of the most loving things you can do for the people around you is to set and hold boundaries in place. The only boundaries that are truly effective are those made with love because loving boundaries keep relationships healthy. People are held responsible for their own stuff, and others don’t have to carry burdens never intended for them. Love is truth, and truth is love and both are rooted in the steadfast love of God.
If I’m in relationship with you, we have to feel comfortable enough to speak what is on our hearts. Be it a difference of opinion, unmet expectations, or offense, we must be able to express ourselves. The boundary would be the agreement to always do so with respect and kindness as the standard of communication. When that boundary is violated, the result is worse than where you started. An argument with no problem-solving results in more pain, confusion, questions, and frustration. Nothing more than a bunch of noise with zero purpose.
I have a steadfast love for my children. I’m not saying it’s a perfect love because it can never measure up to the love God has for them, but it’s a love that will endure no matter what they say or do. It’s always been important to me for my children to know a solid foundation—something I never experienced as a child.
To me, love is a safe place to fail and try again, so clear boundaries seemed the natural starting point when raising my children. My boundaries for their safety and issues of morality were rarely moveable no matter how much pleading, bargaining, or sneaking went on. I wanted them to know that, as they explored the world around them, matured in their understanding, and tested to see if I was trustworthy, they could count on me to be same no matter what they were experiencing.
Whatever the role I find myself in mom, wife, sister, employee, etc. I have found that boundaries, rules, standards, deal breakers (call them what you want) are profitable for bringing clarity, reward, and peace into any situation. Disclaimer: I have not always done this correctly but it is what I strive for.
God’s steadfast love for us does not permit us to do what we want, how we want, when we want. His boundaries bring peace and joy, reward and growth. He creates a safe place for us to fail and try again.
When life is uncertain and things aren’t going as planned, when we can’t figure out what the parameters are so we can hit the mark, it’s comforting to know we can push against God, challenge His love, and question His intentions. Even more satisfying is to discover He’s the same in every storm. He is always unshaken, solid, peaceful, and loving.
Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. As trustworthy as the sun rising from the east and setting in the west. No shifting sands, no surprises, and never any condemnation.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- Do you see the value of boundaries? Explain
- Would you say boundaries/rules are a way to love people? Elaborate.
- What is a boundary that kept/keeps you safe?
- Was there a time that you did not obey a rule? If so, what did it cost you?
- Did you have rules in your home when growing up? How did that affect you?
- Are there rules where you work, shop, or frequent? If so, what are they and what purpose do they serve?
- Is there a rule you could add right now that could bring some clarity into an area of your life?
- Is there a rigid boundary (spoken or non-spoken) that you’ve created causing you to be self-critical or feel like a failure?
- What is it and why do you think it gives you that type of result?
- How can you revise this rigid rule in order to reflect truth and love?
Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s Word says about His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
Translation: God has an unshakable, unfathomable, wild, crazy, steadfast love for you. His compassion for you never fails, never tires, and never gives up. When the sun rises, there are new mercies piled at your door. You can walk confidently in God’s love for you because His faithfulness is a well that will never run dry.
