I just finished reading Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken, a true love story about Sheldon and his wife, Davy (aka Jean). The story is told by Sheldon himself and includes letters (discussions) with CS Lewis as they process faith, love, and death.
I was specifically interested in their take on what an intellectual Christian is to make of death. I don’t consider myself intellectual, but I do enjoy intellectual conversation that gives me an opportunity to dissect complex thoughts/ideas.
When discussing the love between Sheldon and Davy, CS Lewis shared a universal truth that lingers for me … ”For I believe it must always be lost in some way; every merely natural love has to be crucified before it can achieve resurrection and the happy old couples have come through a difficult death and rebirth. But far more have missed the rebirth.”
Lewis beautifully describes how love moves from what we think it is to what it was meant to be.
The four foundational definitions of love are eros (romantic), storge (family parents/children), philia (friendship), and agape (selfless love). The first three (eros, storge, and philia) must mature into agape in order for them to reach their fullest expression. In order to mature it must be tested and found selfless.
Sheldon and Davy seemed to have the perfect relationship and, while it was wonderfully close to what God has in mind for us, it was not the way God defines love. At the beginning of their love story, they put some boundaries in place to create a barrier. They called it the Shining Barrier.
This barrier was a “wall” they created by mutual agreement so nothing could come between them. Not in-laws, not friends, not children, and not God, if He even existed. They would protect their love at all cost.
It wasn’t until their joint pursuit of joy, love, and beauty brought them to the One who embodied and created these things that the Shining Barrier started to crack. When face to face with the origin of all they held dear, the foundation to their self-referencing love weakened under the weight of truth.
Of the two, Davy gave her heart to Christ first. To Sheldon, Davy had broken the Shining Barrier by letting someone into the middle of their relationship. Feeling threatened, Sheldon struggled with jealousy of God.
Davy never wavered in her commitment to Sheldon even to the point of offering up her life to God so Sheldon would come to know His love, too. She died at 40, and Sheldon felt her death revealed the extravagant compassion God had for them both.
Sheldon admitted that he tended to idolize Davy. His self-motivated love did not represent a godly love, and put a burden on Davy. Sheldon realized their love would eventually collapse under the weight. He wrote, “(Her death) saved our love from perishing in one of the other ways that love could perish. Would I not rather our love go through death than hate?”
Sheldon and Davy’s natural love was crucified with Christ, but, sadly, they did not get to enjoy the rebirth. They would not become a happy old couple reflecting on all they had weathered together. Instead, their love came to an abrupt end as a couple … on this side of existence.
It is comforting to know their love was gently put to rest by the One whose intrinsic nature is the very essence of agape. They received a heavenly rebirth, because it was His agape that paved the way for them to dwell with Him and to be reunited with loved ones for eternity.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Want more encouragement? Listen to real stories from real people who can testify to God’s goodness in this life: https://alifeofthrive.com/finding-god-in-our-pain-podcast/
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- When speaking of love, what do you think CS Lewis means by, “For I believe it must always be lost in some way”?
- What are your thoughts of lesser loves (eros, storge, philia) maturing into agape?
- Have you received a personal rebirth with Christ? Explain.
- Would you agree that love is not a feeling? Explain.
- What are the dangers of defining love from a personal preference or definition?
- What standard do you use to define/measure love?
- In what ways can you relate to Davy’s act of agape love?
- Where do you look for examples of love that inspire you?
- Who are you looking forward to seeing when you get to heaven?
Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10 (NIV)
Translation: God first loved me and He proved His love for me by sending His Son to pay the debt I owed.
