It’s 3am, and my house is dark, yet peaceful. On her doggie bed in the corner of my bedroom, my chunky adopted pound pup snores rhythmically. The bedside fan hums. All is quiet … except for my mind as conversations run back and forth in it.
The peacefulness that rests in the room is familiar. It’s not a self-imposed peacefulness but a presence. God’s presence. Day or night, He makes Himself available. He waits to hear my voice, waits for an invitation to share who He is in the midst of my current situation.
God speaks the most beautiful things in the dark, so I pour out my heart and He gives me His.
I’m lying here going over a video I’m in the process of producing. The video will be my personal testimony about finding God in the midst of tragedy and will serve as the foundational piece of something new, something God is leading me to.
In preparing an outline for the videographer, various phases of my experience come to mind. Competing voices bombard me about how this project is supposed to take shape, the way it should be delivered, the most accurate yet authentic way to express this or that, etc. Then God surprised me with a little clarity and, in doing so, brought peace into that specific aspect of my internal dialog.
I share my thoughts now, as I’m not sure what will make it to the final footage and what may fall onto the cutting room floor. We must decide how best to convey my heart, my experience, and the beauty of God in the midst of tragedy.
Recalling this particular aspect of my journey, I was able to attach a tangible example to the exchange I had with the Lord. Those bits of revelation solidify my experiences with Him by making the supernatural relatable.
Though I may have shared the basis of this earlier, the story bears repeating because of the better connection made through revelation in these wee hours of the morning. I never want to forget the kindness of God.
Early on in my grief, I ping-ponged between numbness and being overwhelmed with why. At the peak of a raging waterfall of whys, God spoke tenderly yet firmly into my heart, “Sherrie, some things simply belong to Me.”
Strangely, hearing those words immediately deflated my overwhelm. I took a deep inhale and a long, cleansing exhale. I had felt as if my whys were the thin threads holding together all the fractured pieces of my heart. If I didn’t get the answers I needed, those threads would give way, and I would never find all the pieces of my heart.
When He spoke those words, I knew I was not going to get any confirmation on the answers I had imagined. But I also knew by the way He said it that the answers were out of my comprehension.
Either the answers He provided would create even more why’s or they would be beyond my ability to effectively apply with my limited understanding. Therefore, I would have had my answers yet no comfort in knowing.
I chose to rest in the truth that the answers I sought could be trusted to the One who understood them and had control over them.
So, at 3am this morning when I’m recalling this event with Him, I get a clearer picture of what He was doing for me.
It’s like when I found out my mom and dad were divorcing. Learning this was painful and confusing. As a kid, divorce is overwhelming. You wonder what’s going to happen to everyone and everything. Nothing seems reliable, and life is in a tailspin. It’s a devastation that brings a flood of questions and the need to orient yourself in the midst of it.
It’s one thing to know my parents were divorcing, but what happens if a parent tells you exactly why your family is being ripped apart (i.e. addiction, took/spent the family money, infidelity—you fill in the blank)? That information put me into a different realm. I had the answer to many questions, yet I had no authority, control, nor input in context to the full scale of the complexity.
When one lacks the position of authority, influence, control, or context to the information at hand, the information is nothing more than an additional burden to an already overloaded heart.
Information that I have no context with which to orient myself or lacking enough maturity to grasp the true significance becomes a dead weight. God could have answered my whys, but, in His deep compassion for me, He did not tie a heavy burden around my neck.
I am God’s daughter, and He chooses to give me rest and asks that I trust Him with the purpose and outcome. What can seem unfair and unloving from one side of the equation is actually protective and loving from the other side. If we pierce our darkness with the Light of the loving Father we get the chance to know that He puts us first in every situation.
May it comfort you to know that God is always attentive, always present and always engaged, as you live out your dark, yet peaceful (in Him), experiences.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Want more encouragement? Listen to real stories from real people who can testify to God’s goodness in this life: https://alifeofthrive.com/finding-god-in-our-pain-podcast/
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- Do you agree that information can be a dead weight to your heart? Explain.
- Recall a time when God gave you needed clarity to something in your life. Elaborate.
- Is there a situation in your life that left you with whys?
- What is a why you’re still have for God?
- Can you trust God with your unanswered questions? Why or why not?
- Take some time to share your heart with God. He longs to bring peace into anything that is a dead weight around your heart. If it matters to you, it matters to God. Ask Him.
Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3 (NIV)
Translation: Keeping my mind focused on the truth of who God is and who I am to Him
