Recovery Mode

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” Romans 12:2 (MSG)

I’ve been traveling non-stop for the last ten days. If I haven’t been in the air, I’ve gone from ship to land, vice versa, and from one event to another. Finally, a sweet friend and I made it into Norfolk International around 12:15am. Not by choice but rather directed by the airlines (who also let me know my bag is still in Paris). I staggered into my house at 1:30am, finally into bed at 2am. I’m in recovery mode today. Possibly the whole week. Even now, sitting at the counter in my kitchen, I feel the boat swaying.

Aside from the overcast days and the typical winter drab, Europe is beautiful with its ever-changing landscape. The towns are festive during the holiday season and celebrate Christmas with beauty. Full-sized nativity scenes carved from wood and “Merry Christmas” everywhere proclaim the Savior’s birth throughout the countryside.

Their Christmas markets are not too incredibly different from ours and offer soaps, scarves/hats/gloves, candles, etc. Of course, their handmade items unique to their culture are the exception. Color choices and the types of natural materials used to create market products (such as threads, wood, etc.) allowed me to discover, through their eyes and value systems, their interpretation of the holiday season.

There are many things I will remember about this trip:

—A sweet friend who was up for the adventure and jumped in with both feet. It was such fun sharing this time with her.

—All the amazing food with a focus on natural and healthy. You can taste the freshness in the flavors and quality of the food.

—An open tram ride to the top of a mountain in the snow. A snowball fight outside the quaint cabin where I had hot chocolate with my friend and 2 new friends we met.

—Hot spiced wine (which I could only handle a couple of sips) … the charm of the “old world” … and Shriek (inside joke).

—Fun, friendly people from all over the world and great adventure.

So much to take in. So much to experience. With all the sights and festivities, I’ll give you three guesses as to the first thing I sacrificed on my day-to-day schedule (and it wasn’t my waistline!) The first thing to go on my schedule was time with the only Man who has ever invested in me 100%. My precious Savior. It’s not that I feel guilty about it—He’s the God of adventure. I was excited about the opportunity for this first-hand experience, and He was excited to watch me explore all He has for me.

What I did notice is that not staying in that focused one-on-one time with Him skewed my internal compass. Not the time-zone type of confused, but the one where I say, think, or do certain things that are not in line with His best for me.

I know it has to do with my trying to figure out who I am as a widow. In the back of my mind I feel that almost -two years is long enough to get some clarity, but I need to remember that the first year was a complete blur with numbness being the major theme. The following seven months found me more aware of my situation, but all the various banks of emotion and availability we pull from were empty. I have not had anything to offer anyone else.

In short, I’ve only felt some normalness returning to my mind and my heart in the past three months. But I’ll be honest and share that confusion and questions are still something I struggle with. I’m not sure of the boundaries of where I start and stop. Being married created specific boundaries to work with. I feel sure there are boundaries, specifically godly boundaries for singleness, I just need to find them.

The truth is, I am a widow and I am learning how to cope and establish new definitions in life. But I have an underlying feeling that my struggle is really more along the lines of our common struggle of living in this world and not necessarily my learning curve as a widow.

We all face the same challenges in living lives that will help us sow seeds that will serve us well. Seeds that will bring beneficial beauty to our lives. One of the ways we do that is to renew our minds daily. Daily is a necessity because, on that 10-day trip, Satan didn’t miss a chance to present situations, thoughts, and deeds that could rob me of the quality of life God has for me.

The one thing about my trip that I’ll never forget is the kindness of God. I did not spend time in His Word. I did breathe prayers off and on, but it was not my normal level of interaction with Him. I wasn’t consistent in praying over my meal, and I rarely listened to my worship music (something that always gives me such encouragement for my heart). I wasn’t faithful, but He was.

God ran interference for me even when I didn’t realize I needed it. He prepared things before my need surfaced. He blocked things from my path and protected me even though I didn’t ask. I especially love that He protected me from my own foolishness. His favor continued for me while I was acting like I don’t have time for Him. But He knows my heart for Him, and I know His for me.

I’m able to focus on my physical recovery mode because God has taken care of the rest. He constantly moves His hand in my favor. Each move of that powerful yet gentle hand and the beauty of who He is continues to be engraved upon my heart.

NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!

Self-Reflection

These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.

This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.

• What type of recovery mode are you in?
• Name three ways God has been/is being kind to you?
• Do you think God protects us from our own foolishness? If so, what does that look like?
• Do you feel you must do certain things in order to have God’s favor? What are the Bible verses that support your answer?
• Is there a truth in your life that is allowing you to make excuses? If so, what is it and how can you get out from under that trap?
• How would you describe the importance of renewing our mind on a daily basis? What does that look like?

Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.

Take Action

Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life.  Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.

Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” Romans 12:2 (MSG) 

When you read God’s word say to yourself:  My ordinary life is extra ordinary to God. Noticing Him and giving thanks is precious to my heart and His. With God I’m changing to be more like Him. I am filled with love, patience, peace, goodness and kindness. His value system is deeply rewarding to me and for my life.