Who Are You?

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” —John 1:12 NIV

It’s the beginning of October as I sit in an Atlanta hotel room writing my latest blog post. I arrived here from Florida after spending some time with my precious friend who is gifted at extravagant hospitality.

This is my friend who in February (2018) was at a medical conference in southern Florida (she lives in northern Florida) with her husband when she got news of my husband’s passing. She grabbed her youngest son, told her husband she had to go, and got on a plane. Her conference suitcase was full of sunny southern Florida clothing … and she hates to fly.

After arriving at the Norfolk airport, she found a hotel and went shopping for warm clothes. She arrived at my house every morning with grocery bags filled with things she thought I would need. She fed people as they came and went. She put food up and got food out. She cooked, she cleaned, she did dishes … and constantly tried to feed me. She took care of all the things I didn’t have the energy to care about. She stayed close by until I insisted she go home and be with her own family and husband.

I say all that to say this: My sweet friend’s heart for friendship and passion for hospitality has created in her one of the biggest, most tender hearts I know. Don’t get me wrong, she’s no doormat by any means because she deals with truth in love. For me, to deliver truth in love is often the hardest thing to do. I’m not confident enough in who I am. But she knows who she is, and she loves you enough to remind you who you are.

I can testify to her normalness because she admits she has moments when her passion overrides God’s instruction. But, when it does, she’s quick to get back to relationship with God, as she seeks Him in prayer, repentance, and ongoing conversation. That’s beautiful to me because it says that—if I’m in a relationship with God—I can be me with no fear of condemnation. An intimate, ongoing relationship with God is real and authentic.

One of the things I love most about my friend is that she’s always looking for ways to love on people and to bridge gaps of misunderstandings. Always honest and upfront, when she’s frustrated with someone, she’ll turn it over and over until she finds the way Christ handled the same type of situation. Then she’ll give praise to God, make peace within herself, and, if she’s said or acted anything less than what the love of God would dictate, she’ll reach out to the person and repair any miscommunication.

During my recent visit with her, she took me to see the movie “Overcomer.” For me, the biggest message in the movie was about our identity in Christ. That particular message stuck out because I’m in constant conversation with God about my new transition from wife to widow.

In the movie the character Thomas Hill asks John Harrison, “John, who are you?” John answers something along the lines of being a father, husband, coach. Pressed a little more, John finally describes himself as a Christian.

I can totally relate to that. I would have described myself as a wife first and then mother, mother-in-law, and then grandmother. I would have finally added woman of faith or daughter of the One true God.

On this journey of rediscovering who I am without my husband, I have learned that I had naturally transferred many roles to him, such as provider and protector. It’s not a terrible thing because, ultimately, marriage is a shadow of who God is to us. But I had given my husband those roles with a burden attached. I say burden in that I didn’t appreciate him for how hard he worked. This was something I didn’t realize until I had to learn how to take care of the pool, find someone to cut and weed-eat our three acres, as well as someone to take care of the pond, flower beds, etc.

Yes, part of a husband’s role is to provide in many different ways. but I was looking to him alone to provide these things vs giving thought to the One who was really equipping and preparing him.

It’s not that I didn’t know that God is our source and that my husband and I use His resources. No, I had fallen into the comfort zone of expectation because rarely did I tell my husband thank you or offer to help him. We had been together so long we knew what the other would handle or take care of, and we didn’t grill each other about it.

Had I taken the time to see my husband’s worth, work ethic, strength, drive, and discipline with a much deeper value, I would have seen him as God’s gift to me. I would have given thanks to Him and to him. Surely complacency is the death of appreciation and, in my case, leads to regret.

My value and identity are becoming clearer and clearer. In this season I’m learning I can lean on God for the same things that my husband took care of. I can trust Him to consistently show up and provide everything I need.

When Principal Brooks, played by Priscilla Shirer, led the cross-country runner, Hannah, to Christ, she instructed Hannah to read Ephesians 1 and 2, saying it would clarify her identity in Christ. After studying those two chapters, Hannah stated, “I am created by God. He designed me, so I’m not a mistake. His Son died for me, just so I could be forgiven. He picked me to be his own, so I’m chosen. He redeemed me, so I am wanted. He showed me grace, just so I could be saved. He has a future for me because He loves me. So, I don’t wonder anymore, Coach Harrison. I am a child of God.”

Join me in reading those two chapters every day for a month. I want us to be steadfast, thoroughly washed in His love, saturated with the truths of who He declares we are. Most of all, I want us to walk in it!

NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!

Self-Reflection

These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.

This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.

• • Who are you or, better yet, what are you giving your heart to?
  • Is it hard to describe yourself as a Christian? If so, why?
  • What do you base your identity on? (i.e. appearance, job, financial or social status, etc.)
  • Do you consider God your source, or are you relying on something/someone other than God to meet your needs? If you are, who or what are you relying on? 
  • Why/how did this person or thing take the place of God?

  Based on the person/thing that has superseded God in your life:

  • What is the need you have? 
  • What will need to happen for you to remove anyone/anything that has taken the place of God as the One who meets all your needs?

Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.

Take Action

Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life.  Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.

Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!

Here is God’s extravagant love for you found in His love letter, the Holy Bible:

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” —John 1:12 NIV

Say to yourself:  Simple faith in Christ Jesus makes me a daughter of God. My Father in heaven is the One who has no rival and no equal. I have access to all He owns. God’s love for me is extravagant and never ending. As a daughter of God, I am a sister to Christ, and the Holy Spirit dwells in me. 

Bonus: Read Ephesians 1 and 2 all month. Write down who God says you are. Each time you get a new level of clarity or revelation, write it down. The goal is that by the end of the month you’ll have a deeper appreciation of who you are and you’ll  give thanks every day!