A repost from July 2, 2018
“Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.” Psalms 25:7 (NIV)
Since my husband’s funeral I’ve had a handful of family and friends request a copy of what I wrote to honor him. I’m humbled that anyone would find value in the things I say, so I will gladly share with the hope that it will encourage others to see themselves through the eyes and heart of God. See below for the links to both my eulogy and the service itself.
My husband had a heart for people, so I knew there would be a beautiful outpouring that would reflect his generosity and love of friendship. We contemplated a larger location, but our church offered to stream the service on Facebook. Doing so would accommodate the overflow of people nationwide who wanted to take part in his service. Even though my church comfortably seats 500, there was standing room only. I was told approximately 700+ people were there. Facebook streaming showed 1600 people watched live. To date, the video has received 5800+ views with 42 shares. We were created to leave a legacy, and my husband’s will be about his love for people, joy for the simple things, and a passion for his family.
I’ll share a little more backstory prior to the actual service. Between being told that my husband did not survive and the impending funeral, I was in such a state of confusion and disbelief that I was numb. The only words that swirled in my mind had question marks behind them.
On Saturday morning, a couple of days before the funeral, I opened my eyes yet again to the reality of the day, but this time I was met with the sweetest embrace. God’s presence quieted the tailspin that threatened to overtake my mind and heart. It didn’t erase the reality of my day, but my pain found a place to rest.
Words began to flow in that peaceful space. I picked up my phone from the nightstand and began to tap out each word. Even though I was trying to sum up 34 years of life with this man in a condensed fashion, I’m confident I would not change anything I wrote that morning.
God was fully aware of our struggles and failures as a couple, yet He called out the gold among our shared imperfections. He pointed out the parts He was most proud of and helped my numb heart recall the far-more-good times over the less-than-perfect moments. I felt His pride in the duration of our commitment and that we didn’t give up even when times got really tough. It was His gentle kindness that spoon-fed my heart with the beauty of our relationship.
On the evening of the funeral service, both of our sons and several of my husband’s friends shared their love for him. My boys each echoed the same sentiment in that their dad was the best dad they could have hoped to have. They had no regrets because their father had always made it a priority to spend time with them and to stay connected every single day.
My husband would be the first person to tell you he was not a perfect man. But God, in His kindness and deep Fatherly love for His children, chooses to remember us not according to our failures but according to His great love. My husband was a son God was proud of, and He gave His son, my husband, a good report. What better way to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”?
This, my sweet friend, is the kindness of God. He is the same Father who covers over our less-than-stellar moments; the One who knows everything about us but chooses not to use our failures against us; the beautiful One who endured the cruelty and shame of the cross in order to make sure we don’t get what we deserve but rather we get what He deserves.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
To read the words that I honored my husband with, look below for the link labeled In Honor. It’s a bit of a long read, but I hope you will discover the good report of a life well lived and the measureless beauty of a personal relationship with the God of the Holy Bible.
Here’s the link to the FB page that has the funeral service should you want to watch for yourself: https://www.facebook.com/bridgechurchVA/videos/1786103228147757/
To have and to hold from this day forward…
For better, for worse – laughter permeated everything we did but we had known deep sorrow as well.
For richer, for poorer – we started out with big dreams and hardly a dollar between us but at the time of his passing, we had surpassed those young dreams and we were blazing new ones we hadn’t even thought to dream for.
In sickness and in health – we had weathered various common illnesses but the overall majority of our lives were in good health.
To love and to cherish – I loved his laughter, simple appreciation for life and his ability to immediately connect with people. I’ll cherish the beauty of his spirit, his tender heart for the underdog and his infectious smile.
till death do us part – On May 3rd, we would have celebrated 32 years of marriage.
On our wedding day, standing at the alter, I never stopped to think about the meaning behind the vow I was taking. Those words were simply tradition that I did not stop to weigh.
And now here at the alter with Larry again I have come full circle with this man, far, far sooner than I could have ever imagined.
In our 31 years together, we had overcome countless hurdles, survived raising 2 daredevil boys and the stress of starting and maintaining a business. We were in the golden phase of life. We were in that sweet spot of partial retirement, traveling more often, enjoying the beautiful thing that God was doing in us and between us.
Marriage is done on such an intimate level of life that no other relationship can compare. No one could make me laugh as hard as he could and only he could reach the deep places of my heart that brought pain. We did raw authentic life together. And while we had far more joy and laughter than tears and heartache what really defined us was making the conscious decision to seek God’s heart about His original intention for marriage.
Maturing into the role as a spouse is really translated as dying to self. But I have discovered a few things in that process.
In each small death of laying down our self defined “rights” there were great bursts of life, new levels of maturity for understanding Gods heart, seeing each other as God saw us and some of the most precious times for experiencing Gods presence and move.
I’ve learned that marriage is sacred because it is intended to be the closest example (that we have here) of the union that God shares with His Son and Holy Spirit. One of laughter, joy, protection, affection, support, mutual respect and moving in unison with regard to protecting those qualities. But the most precious gift to us was the opportunity to experience and reflect God’s merciful, supernatural heart when it comes to forgiveness.
There are many more things I’ve learned while chasing the heart of God but I’ll share this last one. The God of The Holy Bible is the God of relationship. All of life hinges on and revolves around relationship.
Larry had the beautiful gift of relationship. I don’t care if you were the bellhop, the waitress or a successful business man, a Nascar driver or a rock star, Larry treated everyone the same. I have countless pictures of him with the wait staff on cruise ships, in restaurants, hotels, major events and a mariachi band that he jumped in. They gave him an instrument and a hat and he acted like he’d known Mexican culture all his life. He’s thrown his arm up on the shoulders of rock stars, sports heroes, legends of every type and movie stars etc. In each exchange they received a quick glimpse of his love for life and people.
Whatever Larry had, he shared with everyone. It was his greatest desire to create a memorable moment for those around him. And you were guaranteed to laugh the entire time you were with him.
Have you heard about the shark bite? What about almost getting struck by lightening? How about your ear…many of you will get that. Oh, and the hunting trips? I have heard more stories of pranks and complete mayhem they created. Back in the day, they took a lot of camera film pictures, something prior to the iPhone. Once, and only once did I fall for picking up the prints from Walmart. Never again, I was too afraid the pics would get flagged and the Walmart Manager would pull me aside for questioning. There’s an original version of Walmart People and it started in the Photo department by a group of hunting buddies.
In the last several years he had grown close to a slightly older black gentleman, Kevin. Monday through Friday they were inseparable. I would get videos of he and Kevin, music turned up loud, Kevin singing low and Larry yelling the song. One time in particular a friend asked to borrow Larry’s truck and offered to give him his car in exchange. I received a video of Larry and Kevin in a BMW M4, music cranking and as Larry said, “bumping.” Kevin was always up for Larry’s natural inclination for humor. People tried to encourage them to get a YouTube channel and chronicle their shenanigans. Larry wanted to call it Ebony and Ivory, but Kevin’s vote was for Blackman and Robin.
My heart will be eternally grateful for the time and support he poured into our sons. There is no better gift for a wife than seeing her husband pour himself into her children. My boys bless me every day with their work ethic, devotion to their families and their discipline. They have tender hearts for the underdog and they connect easily with people of all ages. I take special pride at Christmas time when they give me my gift. Each year they choose someone to bless. They find a need and anonymously fill it and then share with me their choice, why they chose them, what exactly they did and if they were able to see the reaction. This is a gift that will surpass my life and something they can do to honor me when my departing time arrives.
To carry their father’s memory forward and to demonstrate their appreciation for all Larry did for them, they have chosen a worthy charity that mentors fatherless children, connecting them to God and the outdoors.
Where do I start with my daughter-in-loves. When I look at them I see the faithfulness of God to a young mother’s prayers while rocking their husbands. They are pillars to this family. Larry adored them. He was famous for taking pics everywhere we went and he loved looking at them often so In his numerous daily texts to the girls, he would send them random pics of the various places and events. The time he spent with them was precious to him. After raising 2 boys that could hang with him no matter the hair-raising adventure, the beauty and strength of these women were something he took great pride in. Larry often talked about what an amazing mother Taylor is, that touched his heart deeply, he’d say she has a quiet strength. He loved Mary’s sense of adventure and how she lights up a room and how thankful he was that she loved family; he had complete confidence in the type of momma she was going to make.
There isn’t enough time to share how Larry felt about his grandchildren. Devon and Taylor had blessed him with Penelope and Merrick with talk of more to come. These babies put a deep seeded joy in his heart and a new gleam in his eyes. He called nightly to find out what they were up to. He said several times that he was going to buy them their own cellphone, so he could call them directly. Now mind you that one is 3yrs and the other is 10 months! Family members caught on quick that if they had Penelope ask Poppa for something, they were sure to receive it. But then Larry caught on when P started asking for a specific new car, a house or designer items. When Jamie and Mary wed this past July he told them “Listen up, I know your wedding is on July 1st but I want to hear your pregnant on July 2nd.” They honeymooned in Jamaica and the week they were there he didn’t miss a chance to text “Ja’making a baby yet?”
In the midst of our shock and confusion, it is not lost on us that the biggest part of Larry’s dream for his future will not be fulfilled. We will miss watching him enjoy grandchildren to come and taking part in their accomplishments and celebrations in life. But from this mother’s perspective, I watch my sons use the same mannerisms, language, style of humor, zeal for life and people etc. They’re sharing Larry with those babies every day. We have promised to celebrate his birthday by watching those nutty, spontaneous videos, leaving out the scandalous pictures, and sharing the warm stories of his generosity and we’ll talk about him every time he comes to mind.
You have a story to share about Larry because Larry took the time to write one with you. He has made a good deposit and it would be an insult to him to do anything less than multiply and enrich the investment he’s made.
In all of the things that we get to experience, relationship is the only one that outlasts us. The value of life is in the common, ordinary details of how well we do relationship. So be engaged, active and accountable in the relationships that you have chosen. In the midst of the normal ebb and flow of everyday life take the time to kiss and hug your loved ones and linger when you do.
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.
- What is something that you need God to cover?
- Based on your answer to the above question, have you asked God to forgive you?
- Can you believe that He forgives you and does not hold it against you?
- If God could look at the motive behind your actions, what would He discover about the belief system you operate from? In other words, what do you believe about yourself that your actions declare yet you’re not verbalizing?
- What is the good report, (today and every day), you want God to show others about you?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.” Psalms 25:7 (NIV)
Read God’s word and say to yourself: God does not define me by my sins, failures, regrets. He chooses to see me through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Because of His deep, crazy, wild love, He sees me as who I can be, and cheers me on to become who He created me to be.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
