Not That Different

“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6 NIV

There’s a song from back in the day when I was in my early 20s called Jane Says. Whenever I hear that song, it takes me back to the same mindset I had in 1987. Now that I have more life under my belt, I realize the girl in the song, who I once pitied, is not that different from me.

My similarities with Jane are more symbolic than actual real life, because I’m fortunate to not struggle with any addictions. But I do realize how easy it would have been for me to get wrapped up in one. In hindsight, with my unstable mother and a disinterested/absent father, I can see how easy it would have been to self-medicate the pain and look for answers and love in all the wrong places. To be honest, I can’t say I didn’t look in the wrong places and make some bad decisions but somehow God redeemed my choices.

The band, Jane’s Addiction, is a hot mess of various addictions, so it only makes sense that their depiction of Jane is pretty accurate. Then again, it’s pretty accurate about life in general. It’s such a sad song. I imagine an older woman, who has been on the streets for many years, jaded but still hanging on to the hope of a better tomorrow.

However, similarities with Jane go beyond addiction.

She has a pimp, Sergio, who treats her like a rag doll. While I’ve never had a man put his hands on me in a threatening way or control my body, I haven’t always made the best decisions when governing it myself.

Jane wears a wig saying, “I feel naked without it.” I’ve never chosen a wig to hide behind, but I have hidden behind excuses and white lies.

The lyrics say, “I’m gonna start tomorrow. I’m gonna kick tomorrow.” Don’t we all know that tomorrow never comes? It’s especially elusive when we’re aching for change, the kind where we’re our own worst enemy.

Jane has dreams of going to Spain when she saves enough money. I love the resilience of the human spirit, because she hasn’t given up on her dream. It’s still big and beautiful and hers. I know how she feels—convinced she will be able to make the necessary changes only after this happens or that comes through. She will be robbed yet again when tomorrow … never … comes.

I know Jane’s everyday struggle is shrouded in addiction, but the fact that it robs her of all that she was created for only dissolves the distance between us. Really, anything that separates us from achieving all God has called us to accomplish looks and smells like some type of addiction. At the very least, it’s a crippling cycle dressed a little differently.

When Jane gets mad, she’ll cry and throw punches at the air, because she doesn’t know what else to do. How many times do we want to punch air, because we can’t punch the one we really blame? A spouse. Mom or dad. Sergio.

If truth be told, the one we really want to punch is ourselves. We blame ourselves for our choices and believe we’ve made our bed so now we have to lie in it. After all, we’re the one returning to the same old patterns, falling for the same old lies, believing this time they’ve changed. We buy the lie that we don’t deserve anything better.

The part that brings tears to my eyes is when Jane says she’s never been in love. That her only way to measure love is if someone wants her. Sex will never take the place of love. Without love, it is simply a momentary physical act, albeit pleasurable, but nothing more. More times than not, we feel like that’s the place to start in order to find a meaningful relationship. But the human heart will always crave the staying power of committed love.

The addicts I know are some of the best people … when they’re not using. When using, they have no problem confidently looking you in the eye and passionately swear they’re telling you the truth. They create some of the most fantastical stories to get what they want. I can’t help but feel those skills would serve them so much better if they used them to produce good in their lives. Instead of a con artist, be a sales person. Instead of lying to get what you want, learn a product and sell a product or service honestly. But then I’m reminded there’s a beast that must be dealt with first.

Even with those hard facts, I choose to remember that even addicts once had precious toddler smiles, played t-ball, and jumped rope. I see them as someone’s daughter or son, someone’s mom or dad. They had hopes and dreams for their lives. Big and beautiful dreams. Dreams they’re still hanging on to.

I used to tell my boys that people use drugs and alcohol to make themselves feel a certain way. They want to handle stress, ease their consciences, or help them cope. I also told my sons that the problem with using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate is that it works. Once a person feels the escape they need, it becomes a solution many will return to time after time. Yet it is only a temporary fix. The person will be faced with the very same thing they’re trying to run from. Over and over and over again.

Have you given control of your body to someone/something other than yourself, feeling as though you have no voice? Do you feel like your needs don’t matter? What are you hiding behind or self-medicating with? Is there a habit you need to kick? Are you still daydreaming about achieving your goals and dreams? How are you doing when it comes to fulfilling the adventure God has planned for you?

This struggle is real. Problems are complicated. Our choices can leave us feeling shameful. Rejection is devastating. But beauty can be found even in the midst of our everyday mess, confusion, and even unexpected tragedy. Beauty in the form of comfort, companionship, acceptance, love, peace.

Comfort, because you know that no matter what it looks like and no matter what it feels like, the truth is that God is in control, and He will have the last say so. Companionship, because God promises to never leave you, ever. Acceptance, because there’s nothing you can do and no place you can go that would separate you from God. You’ll never be separated from the love of God. He first loved you, chose you, and spoke for you even before you knew about Him.

A peace that surpasses all understanding is having confidence in the fact that God is in control, that He’ll never leave you, nor allow anything to separate you from Him. Plus, He has an extravagant, fierce, unstoppable love for you. You can turn everything over to Him, take a deep breath, and close your eyes to rest.

That bed you made and now feel you must lie there and take your beating of shame, don’t buy the lie. The very reason God came is to lift you up out of that bed and lead you into things you never thought to ask for or could even imagine would be for you. He has a future for you and it will blow your mind.

I’m not saying there won’t be any pain. I’m saying you can lift your head under the weight of the pain. You can find relief as you walk out your consequences. You can find support for the journey into full freedom. He will hold your hand, wipe your tears, and tuck you under His wings to protect you until you are ready to face the world again.

He’s not just waiting for you to join Him in eternity. He’s got solutions, answers, and strategies for you today. Seek Him out, and you will find the rest.

NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!

Self-Reflection

These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.

This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.

• • • What is your biggest regret?
    • If your biggest regret was something you did to someone else, have you asked for forgiveness? Are you able to ask for forgiveness?
    • If your biggest regret was against yourself, have you forgiven yourself?
    • Is there anything you’ve done that would disqualify you from forgiveness? Would you treat a dear friend like you’re treating yourself about this same thing?
    • Why would you or anyone need to be continually punished for bad judgement or carelessness?

If God has grace to cover every offense that we could possible commit why can’t we do the same for ourselves and each other?

Take some time to talk with God about your answers to the above questions.

• • • What is one thing, anything, that you’re good at? A special talent? Something that comes easily to you? Something you enjoy?
    • Can you use any of these things to bring happiness to someone else or create something that would be a great product to sell (i.e., a board game, toy, tool, instrument etc.)?

Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.

Take Action

Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life.  Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.

Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!

“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6 NIV

When you read God’s word say to yourself: I have a Helper who will be by my side no matter what. There is nothing I can do that would cause Him to turn away from me. If there is any separation between God and I it is because I have believed a lie and have kept myself from Him.  I don’t have to be afraid of anything because God will redeem me every time, all the time. There is nothing anyone can do to me that God cannot vindicate for me.