“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”—1 Peter 3:9 NIV
While there are several different types of communication (nonverbal, written, facial expression, etc.), the one we most connect with on a daily basis is verbal. Because speaking is so natural, I tend to take its foundational power for granted. Scripture tells us that words have the power of life or death. Life or death. Let that sink in for a moment.
Your words can cause people, situations, goals/dreams/desires, etc., to live, or they can cause those same things (and more) to die. Take the S off WORDS and move it to the front and you spell SWORD.
Our words carry a tremendous weight of influence and they affect us directly as well as those around us. God’s Word further says that “those who love it will eat its fruit.” Your words produce fruit because they have the power to set seed, grow, and then produce fruit. In other words, it produces more of the same thing planted. The offspring of such fruit has the power to form habits and addictions and will also lay the foundation for one’s identity as it creates self-image and self-worth.
When raising my boys, I came to understand that words were absolutely, hands down, the most powerful tool I had. Children will define themselves by the way you treat them. I learned not to insult my children because doing so only incited their pride.
Ultimately, no one likes to be called names, threatened, or intimidated. Children are created in God’s image. Therefore, deep in their spirits, they are naturally drawn to the original plan. A boy’s heart wants to be the knight in shining armor, and a girl’s heart is to be the princess of the beloved King.
Call them names, belittle them or embarrass them and you attack their God given likeness, so their instinct is to prove you wrong–usually in the worst possible way. Or maybe their response was because my words did not bring life that my children acted accordingly? Simply put, God showed me that I will build up or I will tear down the hearts of my children by the words I spoke.
Give some thought to how you respond to your self-talk. When you look in the (10x magnifying) mirror, are you kind to yourself? Do you talk to yourself like you would a beloved friend, or do you tear her apart with no regard to her intrinsic value?
When you fail, do you give yourself grace and take what you’ve learned and start again, or do you tear yourself apart with no regard to your sensitivities or the fact that you are trying your best?
There’s that old saying … something along the lines of how we tend to treat friends better than we treat family when it should be the other way around. Same goes for you. If you’re treating your friends and family better than you treat yourself, stop it! Strengthen your identity in who God says you are to Him and live accordingly.
Now, what about how we receive what other people say to or about us? Do we define ourselves by other people’s brokenness? Meaning, do we believe what they say about us forgetting that their evaluation of us is based on their fears about life? Does their sting sink in and set seed? As a result, we bear fruit by living our life in a way that is in agreement with their personal perspective on life.
Is it possible to be in healthy relationship with people, seeing them as separate individuals with their own brokenness and their own created lens of looking at life? I think so, but we’ll need to challenge what they say about us with what God says about us.
Now flip the scenario. What you say about other people? How do you treat them? Is your brokenness showing through, or has your faith and identity in Christ equipped you to speak life to others? Would you agree that you’ve developed a certain lens (a lens based on a combination of your life experiences both good and bad) through which you look at life?
The heart condition is revealed through the mouth. Let’s choose to hold up what people say about you to who God says we are. If it agrees, let’s embrace it. If what is said does not reflect what God says about you, then reject what the broken world around us tries to put on us.
With regard to what we say about others: Let’s have the courage to evaluate our heart condition against God’s heart and how He is developing our identity in Him. There is wisdom in calling things as they are, but we must learn to know when to be silent (and avoid being a fool) or to speak up and speak the truth in love. Sounds easy, but it is oh so challenging.
Because word power is life changing, how about getting into the habit of giving focused attention and thought to what you choose to say to yourself and others. This challenge can be used to change the course of relationships, goals, dreams, etc.
Use this phrase, speaking it out loud and fill in the blank depending on the situation: “I choose to _______”
When others try to put their brokenness on you, say something like, “I choose to reject their lie, and I choose to believe God because He says I’m His beloved.”
Transform your identity by saying, “I choose God’s love for me.” Or when lies try to undermine your marriage say, “I choose us.”
Move and speak in a way that brings life. I choose God. I choose freedom. I choose a sound mind. I choose the spirit of power. I choose the spirit of love.
Our daily battle is a situation-by-situation personal choice on who we will believe. Who will we use as our compass and foundation to maneuver through life?
God not only gave us the gift of choice, but He gladly equips us by also giving us His Word, the Holy Bible. We can walk confidently in the power of the gift of choice. Use scripture to strengthen your mind and heart. Talk with God about this gift of choice. Read His Word to be equipped with wisdom, knowledge, discernment, and understanding.
Because there are endless “I choose” scenarios, use God’s Word so you can be ready with understanding that will strengthen your heart, your mind, and your spirit for the journey ahead.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- List 10 words that bring life.
- List 10 words that bring death.
- Do you easily receive what others say about you (good or bad)? If so, in what way?
- Would you agree that people, including you, say things based on how they/you understand the world around them?
- Is that good or bad? Explain.
- What is a lie that you received and have believed about yourself?
- Repent for agreeing with that lie, and ask God to show you how to start again, His way.
- What is something new you want to choose? I choose _______.
- How do you plan to walk out this new choice?
- Talk to God about your answers. Give Him praise, ask Him questions and then listen for His gentle response.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”—1 Peter 3:9 NIV
When you read God’s word say to yourself: Even when someone is cruel and downright evil to me, God commands that as His daughter I do not act like the evil do. God commands that I reflect His heart and bless them in some way (i.e. in word or deed, prayer or action). If I do, I will receive a blessing from the Lord Himself.
