“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”—Numbers 23:19 (NIV)
I was talking with God about a specific need to understand why I can’t seem to be motivated or focused on the tasks at hand. I feel easily overwhelmed, and I let that feeling paralyze me. Flashes of fear grab at my thought life, so I decide I can’t do this or that. I let my emotions rule me versus me ruling my emotions. I make excuses.
I know the grieving process has something to do with this issue, but I worry about becoming stalled along the way. I don’t welcome the grieving process, but I know it’s necessary. I want to move through the grieving and not become lost in it.
Time is not standing still. I can choose to move with it or I can watch life pass me by. I don’t want grief to define me, and that’s why I was talking with my Father about it. Have I stalled out because it’s easier to stay here, or do I genuinely need more time to grieve and process?
In His tender Fatherly way, He spoke into my spirit saying my focus had shifted from processing to being consumed. I was overly analyzing how I felt, what I needed, what I wanted, etc. In short, I was losing my way because I had shifted to a lot of I’s. The balance I need to move through the grief is being compromised by a self-consuming agenda.
Yes, grieving requires a lot of self-care, but I instinctively knew something more was happening. I didn’t know what it was because grief is a strange thing in itself. I have moved from the pain of losing my husband’s love, his presence, and shared relationship in life to the pain of despair about life. The common emotion of pain blurred the transition, but the level of despair sounded an internal alarm.
So, I confided in the One who knows me better than I know myself—the One who knit me together with His hands. The Father who has my name carved in the palm of His hands. I knew He would have the answer and, because no one has ever spoken for me like He has—and no one has ever loved me like He has—I knew He would tell me truth. So I kept talking with God.
I’m so grateful God is the Fountainhead of truth and that He is no respecter of (wo)men. He keeps no good thing from me. He is not a man that He would lie. His heart is to heal me and give me life in the here and now and life everlasting—life that is based on His truth and His sacrifice/love.
In my four-decade walk with Him, I have learned I can count on Him in every situation and phase of life. He will tell me the truth, and He will be fair. He protects, restores, and equips. To have already tested and know that He is unchanging in His ways is especially comforting, because the unexpected passing of my husband opened a reality that an unexpected death is possible for everyone I love. That thought alone can flood me in rushes of panic, mental images, and anxiety, even more so as my precious grandbabies are being added to the family.
When thoughts and emotions threaten to overtake me, I come back to this truth and rest on knowing that God is still on the throne and He’s still in control. He had the answers before I was born, and He’ll still have the answers when I’m gone. I can take a deep breath, exhale, and relax my frame because no one knows all the intricacies of His creation better than He. He’s never overwhelmed, paralyzed, or taken by surprise.
If you feel overwhelmed, paralyzed, or that you lack control, you may have trouble staying focused, feel that life’s not fair, or like you always get the short end of the stick. Take some time to self-reflect. Ask yourself some tough questions, peel away your emotions, and have the courage to take an honest look at whether you’ve become too consumed with too many I’s.
If we become consumed with something, that thing becomes our idol, something we focus on excessively. We begin to use it as a lens through which we sift our emotions and we use that something to evaluate everything else.
I had become my own idol, and I used my emotions to sift through various situations. Doing that allowed my emotions to dictate to me the condition of my life. It is a lie; my emotions cannot define reality. Emotions serve as indicators for things I need to address and allow me ways to express myself. Taking our focus off of ourselves is how we lay down our idol. When we do, our situation changes, possibilities open up, new opportunities present themselves.
My imbalance to grieving is a recent revelation, so I’m still in the process of making my way back to the fine line of how to grieve in a healthy way. If things remain true to who I am as an individual, I’ll teeter back and forth until I learn my way—but I know I’m not alone. My Father has never left me, lied to me, or misled me. As a matter-of-fact, He’s never done that to anyone. Ever.
He’s the God who sees, who cares, and who answers. It is precious time spent talking with God.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-Reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
We covered a lot of questions in the body of this blog post but I’ll put them all here so you can have them in one place:
- Is any area of your life out of balance?
- What emotions are associated with that imbalance?
- What are some of the manifestations of the imbalance? (i.e. procrastination, excuses, paralysis, etc.)
- Who can you talk to about this (someone you trust)?
- Have you talked with Father God about this?
- If so, what did He say in response?
- Can you believe He cares for you and hears you? And that He will answer? Explain.
Take Action
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says about His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”—Numbers 23:19 (NIV)
When you read God’s word say to yourself: God cannot lie. He speaks only the truth. He will do what He promises to do. He is incapable of lying, because He is God. He is happy to share the secrets of His heart with me and to reveal solutions, answers and ideas for anything and everything I experience.
