“I will be a Father to you, And you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.”—2 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
Life is full of choices. From the time we get up to the time we close our eyes we are evaluating our options and making decisions. These decisions include choosing your thought life, self-talk, how we want to show up in our relationships and in what way do we want to invest in our future etc. So let me ask you this, “Which torment is more preferable to live with, loneliness or regret?” Maybe there is a third option—the pain of brokenness. Then again, maybe loneliness and regret are by-products of remaining in brokenness.
I admire people who post unedited pictures. Those unfiltered moments are beautiful because they draw you into real moments you can relate to and, in doing so, create relationship. I wish I had that kind of courage.
I don’t like pictures of myself and I’m afraid to “lift the lid” on that aspect of myself because I’m uncomfortable thinking about what it might reveal. After a photo is taken, I’ll occasionally be asked if I like it. I rarely take a look, because I know I won’t like it—no matter what. Why is that? Is it vanity? Pride? If either is the reason, I’m completely embarrassed. I’d never want to be described that way.
My daughter-in-law has yet to share some of her wedding pictures, because she knows how much I hated the dress I wore. My brokenness holds her joy hostage.
I want to be brave in my brokenness, because I want to be brave in life. My brave moments are when I expose my brokenness to His light. I ask Him to help me identify the lie I have chosen to believe over His truth about who I am in Him. I want to live my best life here, now. I define the best life as being authentic—with imperfections and all. I especially want to be brave when my imperfections impact my relationships.
We can be cynical about people’s ulterior motives and often spend our lives keeping others at arm’s length. After all, how stupid would it be to allow someone to hurt us because we let them get too close! Isn’t it best to take control before we end up with the short end of the stick?
As we invest our energy into making sure what we fear most does not happen, we could find ourselves cultivating a critical spirit or striving for perfection at any cost making us very hard to live with and very hard to love and that includes living with and loving ourself.
This constant evaluating of everyone and everything brings loads of stress that has the potential to result in overindulging in things like food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, shopping, work etc. These self-medicating attempts take the place of a hug, a kiss or time spent with someone we value because the truth is we really want to feel those things with someone we’re connected to.
So, I ask again … which form of torment is more preferable to live with, loneliness or regret?
The bottom line is that control is an illusion. It is a fear based motivator which results in us getting exactly what we fear because you can’t plant tulip bulbs and get daffodils. The spirit of fear will never produce peace and restoration.
If you look at fear and all its cronies (suspicion, assuming, undermining, back-biting, accusing, etc.), it’s obvious what type of harvest we will reap. When we’d rather assume what people mean or are thinking versus asking and listening to what they have to say, our payoff will perpetuate an orphaned spirit. In short, if we continue to protect ourselves, the result will be loneliness.
The biggest kicker to all that time and energy spent at keeping ourselves safe is that the reward for those efforts is regret. You will not have to choose between loneliness or regret because loneliness will result in regret.
Is everyone trustworthy? No. Will we get our hearts broken? More than likely. Will we be made a fool? Possibly. People around us are broken, hurting, and dreaming of a better tomorrow. But when it comes to the big picture, we can choose to live with an orphan spirit, which results in regret, or we can bravely face the challenges of relationship and live with no regrets.
Err on the side of relationship because to love well is all that is required and that leaves us with no regrets. It’s worth the struggle to move from an orphaned mindset to connectedness. Besides, the energy required to keep people at arm’s length is the same energy required to learn how to do relationship well.
God never intended for us to be alone. Relationship is the reason He created us and why He said it is not good for man to be alone. Our first priority is relationship with Him. He holds the skills and solutions on how we can be in the world but not defined by it. He alone knows who He created us to be and He alone can bring that alive in us through the transformation of His Spirit in our lives.
When we understand who He is and who He says we are, we find our identity in Him. We learn that He will never leave us, reject, or give up on us—and nothing can separate us from Him. Believing AND living out this knowledge in everyday life will keep us focused on Him, instead of being focused on what other people say about us, how they treat us, or even if they reject us.
It’s not easy when those things happen. But when we hang the definition of who we are on the One who paid our debt in His blood, then what people do or say can be seen for what it is–their brokenness. Our value as a beloved daughter of the King will not get tangled up in the brokenness of others.
Let’s commit today to lean into the heart of God. Let’s continually discover how to renew our minds and hearts with the truths of His word. Let’s be in awe, captivated by the beauty of our transformation, as He takes our broken pieces and makes them whole. Let’s be willing to leave our orphaned spirits behind and, instead, put on our identity as adopted daughters of the One who has no rival and no equal—the King of kings and the Lord of lords.
NOW LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
Self-reflection
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take the truths you discover about yourself and hold them up to the Light to evaluate them against who God says you are.
- How do you define loneliness? Then look up the definition in a dictionary.
- How do you define regret? Look up this definition, too.
- Based on the definitions above, do you see any similarities in your life?
- Are there any habits (repeated practices) that are robbing you of anything (i.e., time, health, money, etc.)?
- List 3-5 close relationships you have chosen to invest in. Are you guarding yourself in any way?
- What are your biggest fears regarding those 3-5 relationships?
- What lies are you believing with regard to your identity or value as a human being?
- List scriptures that can rewrite those lies when they come up in your thought life, words, or actions. Post one or two scriptures somewhere in your daily sight line. Read them every day as often as possible.
Use God’s word to take control over the traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises in His word.
Here is a scripture for you to print, cut and carry with you and/or post in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
“’I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.”—2 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
When you read God’s word above say to yourself: The Lord Almighty calls me His daughter. I am His and He will never leave me nor reject me. The value system of this world will never compare to who He says I am and what I mean to Him. He chooses to love me and His love defines me.
