Three Things I’d Tell my Younger Self

“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived, the things God has prepared for those who love him”—1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

As I get older I’ve often said, “Oh, to be 21 again.” But I’m also quick to add that I would not go back to my younger self unless I can do so knowing what I now know. There are enough mistakes and displays of poor judgment that I do not wish to relive.

In hindsight, I feel that the root to my mistakes and poor judgment points back to how much or little I valued myself. If I could go back now, I definitely would respect myself more, especially with regard to relationships. I would have a better understanding of my value system and therefore make better decisions and avoid shameful consequences. I would have a better grasp that I was created to leave a legacy and that I have God-inspired dreams, goals, and desires. I would embrace uniqueness instead of trying to fit into a mold. And I would have done it with truth and love for myself and the people around me.

The only reason worth going back would be to do a better job the second time around. Even though an opportunity like that is not reality, there remain three things I would have loved for my younger self to know.

#1
Do not allow the spirit of offense to rule your mind, heart, or your day. Putting that into practice could possibly decrease your stress by 99.99%! Don’t grab up every single thing people around you have to say. You don’t have to agree with everyone, and they don’t have to agree with you. I’ve stated this before: I would lay down my life for my sons and now my daughter-in-laws, but we don’t always agree with each other and that’s fine. Remember, you can still be family/friends and have differences. The secret to that is mutual respect.

I’m not glossing over the fact that people—even someone as close as a parent, sibling, or friend—say mean, hurtful things. But once the personal attacks and name calling starts, learn to tune it out, because there’s no truth in it. That is a tantrum. The person dishing it out does not have the ability—or maybe the desire—to express themselves in a mature, truthful manner. It has nothing to do with trying to make you better, and it has nothing to do with discipline. I can’t think of a single person who has been motivated to change her ways after being verbally attacked. The only difference between verbal abuse and physical abuse is that one leaves marks on the outside and the other leaves marks on the inside.

It’s a smart life plan to avoid being offended, but here’s another reason why you can’t take everything to heart or try to defend yourself on every topic.

#2
People receive/hear you through lenses they have created based on their past experiences with people and circumstances. What has been modeled for them is the value/belief system with which they perceive the people around them.

You say, “Don’t act ugly” meaning “Use your manners,” and they hear you saying they are physically ugly. I witness this type of miscommunication all the time. The biggest disagreements I ever had with my husband were based on one of us saying and meaning one thing and the other hearing something entirely different.

You have absolutely zero control over how people respond to you. You potentially share some responsibility in that maybe your tone, choice of words, body posture, etc., might elicit a certain response or create a specific atmosphere. However, how people respond to you is entirely their own personal choice and take on the situation.

Anytime you get a response you consider out of character for the situation, ask some questions. Taking the time to listen and asking questions will help clear the air and get everyone on the same page.

#3
We were created to leave a legacy. Your life has purpose and meaning. You were born at this time in history with a God-sized dream placed on your life. You have a deposit to make, and it will be unique to the person God has created you to be.

We serve a creative God, and He’s put creativity in your DNA. You may be called to raise children or conquer the world of finance. You may find deep joy in a garden working with your hands or the challenge of expanding your IT skills. You may thrive with people and have a gift for making connections, or maybe fashion is where you want to leave your mark.

There is no limit to your creativity and you have direct access to the creative Giver!

Ultimately, to discover why you’re here and where you’re going comes down to two things. Understanding who God is and who He says you are. Seeing God’s power and authority and truly grasping that He has no rival and no equal shows you He is the One and Only; there is no other option for truth and love. When you add understanding how He sees you, how much He loves you, what He’s already done for you, is doing and will do, then you begin to understand your worth.

Once you understand your worth and the One who calls you His own, there’s nothing standing in your way to live life to the fullest. And more than that, once you discover your worth, you’re positioned to discover your passion. Your worth plus your passion equates to living out your purpose!

I’ll admit, getting to know the heart of God happens over time, but that is the beauty of discovering His heart for you. We get to choose Him each step of the way. Having a personal relationship with Him is the single most rewarding experience of my life. In choosing to seek Him out and talk with Him every day, I’ve learned to trust Him, believe Him, and love Him. You can, too, if you make Him your priority for each day.

Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!

These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.

This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.

• Do you have an understanding of who God is? The extent of His power and authority?
• What can you do today to increase your understanding of who God is?
• Can you conceive what it must take to lay down the life of your child for people who may never choose to believe it was done for them? What kind of love makes that type of sacrifice?
• Is it hard to imagine that God has a plan for your life? Why or why not?
• What are some of your gifts/talents? What is something that comes easily to you? What topics or skills hold your interest? What are you intrigued by?
• Give these things an honest consideration on how you could develop them further. Take a few moments and ask God what He wants to reveal to you. Write down any thoughts, images, or inspiration you get. Prayerfully act on what you discover.

Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.

Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!

Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived, the things God has prepared for those who love him”—1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

Read God’s word and say to yourself:  No one has seen, heard, or even imagined all that God has planned for those who love Him. God has an adventure in store for me!

Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!