“As surely as my new heavens and earth will remain, so will you always be my people, with a name that will never disappear,” says the Lord. Isaiah 66:22 (NLT)
Processing grief is such an individual expression. I have fortunately had the chance to unfortunately talk with other widows and hear their stories of walking out their loss. Every one of these women expressed a different process. Hearing their journey has taught me one thing: even in the similarities, grief is unique to the individual.
I’m at the beginning phase of the full spectrum of sudden loss and grief. When asked how I’m doing, all I can accurately say is, “I’m taking things day by day and sometimes minute by minute.”
There are good days and bad days. There are good minutes and then, quick as flipping a light switch, it goes bad. Some things I think will be incredibly hard turn out to be okay and other situations I know shouldn’t be that difficult turn out to be the worst.
I don’t trust my emotions. I’m trying to go with the flow and refrain from being self-critical even though I know crying in public gets awkward and weird for people. Trust me, I completely understand. I’m out of my comfort zone “losing control” like that in public.
If I cry at the DMV, then I cry. If I laugh when I probably should cry, I just go with it. I have zero desire to correct anyone or explain myself. They can think whatever they want or call me whatever they feel. I simply do not have the energy to care.
Shock seems to be one of the common dominators in grief. The night I had to leave my husband laying on the hospital gurney, with a device they had intubated him with still in his mouth, was the toughest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. In moments like that I think shock can be your friend. Confusion and being out of touch with reality allowed me some distance from the truth. I left not believing it was real, waiting to wake up and see that it was all a bad dream.
The next time I saw him was at the funeral home after his body had been prepared. Knowing this would be the second hardest day of my life, I requested that only my boys, daughters-in-law, and I be present. They grieved as deeply as I. We understood the pain without saying a word.
When I entered the room, I immediately felt calm. There was a tangible peace that rested in the room throughout the entire visit.
We stood beside the shell of the man whose personality was larger than life. Those were the hands I had held, the lips I had kissed, and the chest I had lain my ear against listening to his heartbeat. No longer would I see that light in his eyes or his contagious smile that had made me smile countless times over the years.
It was clear that our souls find their expression through our physical being. The body needs the soul in order to exist, but the soul does not need the body.
If for one minute I had believed the body in that casket was my whole husband, they would have had to call the entire police department to have me removed. If I had thought they would be lowering my whole husband into a cold, dark, grave forever, they would have had to prepare another casket for me.
I do not grieve as those who have no hope. I lean into the One I have come to know as the Love that transcends death and the grave. He is the only deity to take responsibility for the creation of all living things. The Author of Life who promises to never leave us. The same One who makes the darkness tremble. The One who pursues the orphaned heart and calls us to draw near and experience His heart for us.
The part of my husband that put the light in his eyes, made the sound of his laugh, and reflected his sense of humor is eternal. I was there when my husband made the choice of where his soul, his true self, would spend all of eternity.
While it cannot touch the pain of losing him, it does provide the peace that surpasses all understanding. It provides an additional layer of comfort, because I’ve made the same decision on where I’ll spend eternity. I will see him again, and because relationship transcends the grave we will know each other. No longer under the restriction of the body, I look forward to the light that had once filled his eyes being the light that now fills his whole being.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.
- What is your understanding of eternity?
- Do you feel your body is a separate entity from the soul?
- Have you taken the time to choose where you will spend eternity?
- Have you lost someone you look forward to seeing again?
- If you have lost someone, what gave you comfort in that loss?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“As surely as my new heavens and earth will remain, so will you always be my people, with a name that will never disappear,” says the Lord.—Isaiah 66:22
When you read God’s Word say to yourself: God has prepared a new heaven and earth for all His children. My soul will move from here to there, and I will live with God forever.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
