“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV)
Ever since my husband’s sudden passing I’ve turned things over and over in my head and my heart. I wish I would have said, “I love you” more often, held his hand more, and scratched his head and back every time he asked. I wish I would have been more engaged when spending time with him and was as spontaneous as he with motorcycle rides or trips. I could have helped him more with his tasks or responsibilities around the house. He took care of everything, but I could have brought him water when he was cutting the grass or been more helpful with the pool.
I’m filled with regrets, but no matter how well I did something or how miserable I was the burden of regret falls solely on me. As a believer in Jesus Christ, Larry is dancing on streets of gold and walking daily in the presence of God. He has no regrets or worries nor does he recall my shortcomings. The burden is mine.
I really want to know how to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary. Is there a way to live everyday life in a way that no detail goes unnoticed? Is there a way we can pick up on the subtleties of our loved ones even when they say everything is okay, but they indicate something else in their eyes or by their worried faces or nervous laughs? How do we share in their genuine joy and engage more deeply with our loved ones’ lives? Is there a way to see the true value of each day before it’s too late?
The ifs, ands, or buts, the what ifs, and maybes invade my thinking on a daily basis. Why didn’t I pick up on this or that? Why didn’t I make him go to the ER immediately? That brief moment in time, that opportunity to change the outcome slipped through my hands. My only concern was that he might be coming down with the flu.
Scenarios run through my mind constantly, but, in the end, it doesn’t matter. His numbered days had come to a close, and I was not privy to that information until the doctor told me that they were not able to resuscitate.
I could have done more. If only I had picked up on something. Why didn’t I?
After almost 34 years together, during our normal everyday ebb and flow of life, I had clearly slipped into a place of taking things for granted. It went unnoticed to me how easy it was to do so.
I’m not sure anyone really gets to say and do everything they want or should and, even then, of those who do, how many of us get it right?
I’m making peace with my shortcomings because it’s important that I put things in perspective and grasp the frailty of life along with my flaws. This will help me quiet my mind and bring relief to my heart.
With regard to my current relationships, I’m saying I love you more often and being extravagant with my language to express my deep love and appreciation for those I do life with. Some may think I’m being a bit “over the top,” but I can’t let these small opportunities pass me by. Life seems so fragile right now and, to be honest, I really hope that feeling doesn’t pass when it comes to sharing my heart with those around me.
My mind and heart continue to heal, as I remember that Larry had a personal relationship with Christ, and he is free from regret or sadness. Larry dwells in the presence of the Origin of Love and is more alive today than ever before.
The Bible refers to the “cloud of witnesses”; I believe my husband is one of those witnesses. I’m not sure which lens he sees me through. Does he know I am broken and sinful, yet redeemed by the blood of God, therefore he gives me grace that covers over my faults? Or does he cheer me on seeing me as the finished work of Christ and is waiting for me to arrive where he is?
For now, it comforts me to know that God in His kindness had prepared a place for my husband that has generously erased all my shortcomings and failures as his wife.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.
- Are there areas where you feel you don’t measure up? Have you done/not done things you regret? What are they?
- Are these feelings robbing you of anything in your life today?
- Is there someone still holding these things over your head, or are you the one being hard on yourself?
- Is there a way to make peace with these feelings? Can you trust God to smooth over your shortcomings?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24
When you read the encouragement of the Lord, say to yourself: “God has hold of my hand, even though I mess up it’s only temporary. God delights in me!”
I have one more request of you in reference to regret. I saw a great video on FB … I wish I could remember what it was called so I could find it. Get a picture of you as a child. I want you to look into the eyes of that young girl and tell her the same things you are saying to yourself with regard to anything you’re beating yourself up over. Can you tell her she should have known better, she is stupid, or she’ll never measure up? I hope not. No one should tell a young girl those things. What would you tell her about her situation if she were struggling? I hope you encourage her and build her up. Take it easy on yourself, trust God to cover over the rough spots, because that’s His specialty.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
