“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
For the majority of my life, my waking moments were filled with the agenda for the day. I thought about what was on my husband’s to-do list and tailored my day to our schedules. I knew the general flow of the day, but it was a given that we’d have dinner together each evening, then (more than likely) get ice cream, and end the day relaxing at home.
But now, each morning as my brain awakens, I’m overtaken by the realization that it is not a dream. The pain is quick to find every pore. It’s clear that it never left those places even though my sleeping brain gave me relief from its constant evaluation.
I met my husband when I was 19, so I have known him most of my life. Everything I do, wherever I go, and all through my daily thoughts, everything reminds me of him and the memories we shared. Every time I look at my sons, my daughter-in-loves, and those precious grandbabies, I think of all we’ve experienced with them and all he was looking forward to.
I didn’t know the details of my future, but I was confident my husband was included.
Instead, there is no towel on his towel hook, nor the sound of his voice singing in the shower. There are no clothes to wash, and the side of his bed is undisturbed, cold. His child-like enthusiasm about clean sheet night is missing. His laughter no longer fills the house. His chair is empty both in the living room and at mealtime. My hand is empty but not emptier than my heart, which longs for his voice, his affection, his presence, his touch.
My partner for life, the father of my children, confidant, biggest supporter, travel buddy, sounding board, provider, the go-getter, captain of our Harley rides, the one who made things happen. He was my caregiver when I was sick, my shelter and respite from the world. He was my love, my lover … gone … in the blink of an eye.
The silence is deafening.
There are an allotted number of days for each of us. Every single one is a gift. The beautiful yet painful part of the journey is that we’re created for relationship, so we’re going to leave people behind when we transition from here into eternity. When relationship is done right, separation is extremely painful, to say the least, yet it’s not a personal attack on the survivors. There is a vehicle in which every single one of us will depart this life. My husband’s was a heart attack.
My husband used to refer to me as his bride. No longer his bride, I choose to search God’s heart for His vision on what it means to be His bride.
I’m leaning into God’s love, a love that is stronger than the grave.
I deeply miss my husband’s laughter, but God’s laughter is one that scatters my enemies.
I will not get to feel my husband’s arms again, but God’s arms around me means that Heaven surrounds me.
My waking moments are still filled with my husband and all the ways I miss him, but God is quick to fill the void as I give Him my pain. I recall His promises and the examples of His faithfulness that He’s given me over the years. I stand on them to encourage me as I open my eyes to each new day.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.
- Has there been a time in your life when you lost someone close to you?
- Who were they? What was your relationship with them?
- What did they leave you with or what kind of impression did they make?
- What do you miss most about them and why?
- Have you learned to move on and honor them in some way? What type of things remind you of them?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Here is what God’s word says to encourage you and to give you an example of His unfailing, relentless, unending love for you:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
Read God’s word and say to yourself: In the midst of my pain, God is compassionate and comforts me. My heartaches will never be wasted because God equips me to use my experiences to comfort and encourage others.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
