“Keep your tongue from speaking evil and your tongue from telling lies.” (Psalm 34:13)
Let’s see how you intuitively fill this in as you read it:
“You’ll never amount to _______________. Stick with your day job because ______________ is obviously not for you. You’ll never be a _____________. You look so stupid when you _______________. Are you really that ________________?”
Hateful remarks from peers and even strangers can sting. A loved one’s well-meaning comments disguised as “help” cut deeply. “You’d want me to tell you the truth, right?” they say.
Some hearts immediately discard the thoughtless remarks. Other hearts allow those same words to pierce deeply, hearing their echo for years to come, using them as a filter to evaluate every new opportunity or adventure.
Words strung together and carelessly hurled at the heart and spirit have the power to give life or destroy it.
Unkind words do not originate in love but are rooted in fear. When my children were young, I made the mistake of speaking sharp words disguised as loving attempts to protect. In reality, my unkind words were a reflection of my fears.
My sons have a natural bravery and curiosity about the world around them. To this day I find myself fighting to keep my fears from becoming theirs. Whenever I offer words that provoke a manipulated obedience, I’m drawing from my own well of fear.
Fearful instruction was my attempt to control my children’s decision-making skills to accomplish the outcome I was most comfortable with. It magnified my inability to see my kids fail or experience disappointment. Because my words had the potential to create fear and doubt in the hearts of my children, I realized that—if I continued to manipulate them—they might never find their passion and their purpose.
The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Satan wants to steal your life’s purpose. To do so, he’ll kill you with words in order to destroy any evidence of your gifts and talents. In addition, he’s heartless enough to stir up the fear of others, using the familiar face and voice of a loving parent or spouse, a sincere best friend, a well-meaning sibling, a trusted teacher, or someone you admire and respect.
I now know the difference between providing boundaries for protection, instruction, and guidance and using words of manipulation to scare and/or curb certain behaviors.
John 10:10 finishes with, “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” To experience a rich and satisfying life means to be disciplined for correction (not out of anger/fear), instructed to gain knowledge (not belittled with sarcasm), protected by boundaries (not paralyzed by fear), and encouraged to build confidence (not manipulated into obedience).
Loving words of instruction, correction, protection, and encouragement create an environment where it’s safe to fail.
Words that control or inflict fear are not instruments of guidance but rather tools of destruction that result in shame and guilt. Words of life motivate you to dig deeper or reach further so that when you reach a milestone, you’re guilt free and truth filled. Words are lifeless until you believe them.
Whether you struggle with speaking words out of fear or you receive words of fear from those around you, there is One who can change that cycle. Learn and embrace who He says you are. When His truths begin to sink in they will rebuild your foundation and rewire your thought life. You will move from defining yourself by the worlds value system to defining your worth by the value system of the One who created you and defines you as the most amazing, unique woman. He longs to enjoy relationship with you and rewrite the troubles of this world and put His fingerprints on your heart.
God calls you:
Beloved (Romans 9:25)
Daughter (John 1:12)
Friend (John 15:15)
Justified and redeemed (Romans 3:24)
Heir with His Son, Christ (Romans 8:17)
Accepted (Romans 15:7)
A new creature (2 Corin 5:17)
Righteous (2 Corin 5:21)
You have been spoken for precious woman. By the God who has no equal and who is matchless in comparison to anything we will ever experience. He’s in love with you. He has nothing but good things for you. Draw close and hear how much He loves you and why He’d sacrifice His Son for you.
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
These questions are in no way a substitute for healthcare professionals or any level of professional counseling. I’m an advocate for taking care of oneself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These questions reflect my heart, NOT my profession.
This questionnaire is an opportunity to journal your thoughts and feelings. It can serve as a launching pad on which to evaluate your heart condition as you understand it. My hope is that you will take what you discover and hold it up to the Light to evaluate it against who God says you are.
With regard to God’s instruction for us:
- Write down words you consider loving.
- Write down words you consider for correction and instruction.
- If you’re receiving correction and instruction, would you agree that you’re being protected? If you’re being protected, would you consider that love?
- What do you think the difference is between instruction based on love and instruction based on fear? Are you able to tell the difference?
- How often do you speak in love or in fear to those around you?
Use God’s word to take control over traumas in your life. Whenever you feel terrorized by your thoughts, take them captive by replacing them with the truth of God’s promises found in His word.
Print, then cut and carry this Scripture with you and/or post it in places where you will see it often. Ground yourself in God’s truths not Satan’s attacks. Encourage your heart and mind every time you are reminded of His great love for YOU!
Build your identity with encouraging, truthful words:
“The steps of a (wo)man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his/her way.
When (s)he falls, (s)he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his/her hand.”
– Psalm 37:23-24
Print this out, write your name in the blanks, and post this scripture where you can see it. Read it every day until it becomes a truth in your life.
These are the words of God and this is how He feels about you.
The steps of ______________ are established by the Lord, and He delights in _______________’s way. When ______________ fails, _________________ will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds _________________’s hand. (Psalm 37:23-24)
Now LIVE LOVED and THRIVE!
