There is healing for male sexual abuse survivors. Dr. Kelli Palfy, is a registered psychologist working in private practice in Edmonton, AB. Canada. Of the many ways she helps to bring healing into the lives of her clients there was one aspect that I wanted to bring to my listeners today and that is the ignored topic of male survivors of adult or childhood sexual abuse.
What are signs that a wife might need to be aware of should her husband be a survivor of sexual abuse. How can she protect her sons (and ultimately her daughters too) from sexual abuse…especially since the statistics show 95% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by a family member, someone you trust, someone who has gained the trust of your child.
For the first 20-25 minutes, Kelli and I talk about her journey to her Ph.d in psychology. Why the interest in helping men find wholeness and healing after sexual abuse? Granted that is not her only focus in her practice but after hearing her story I could see why she could relate.
Not only from her own hesitation to find help for the merciless bullying she endured in her work environment but what she saw day in and day out as she served her community as part of the Royal Mounted Canadian Police.
Below you’ll see some resources listed. Also, on Dr. Palfy’s website she has a Resource link on which you’ll find educational videos. There are personal stories of abuse and healing, how PTSD relates to sexual trauma, the truth about unwanted arousal and several more.
Dr. Palfy does not side step the uncomfortable issue, the tough questions, nor does she avoid addressing the internal struggle.
Wives, if you feel that your husband is showing some of the signs that Dr. Palfy talks about, take your concerns directly to God because no one knows your husband better than God. No one knows the details of his life, any traumas that may have occurred or the way he’s tried to process them. You’re looking for direction, support and how to bridge the conversation (should there be a need for one). Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals for guidance as well.
Maybe you can’t identify the signs that Dr. Palfy gives but you know smoothing is wrong, possibly there’s a disconnect of intimacy. To be honest, trauma manifests in a variety of ways, some very unique. Listen to the story that Dr. Palfy shares about the man who begins to limp and it grows worse.
But in either situation, whether it’s for your husband or another family member, (son or daughter), educate yourself and consult the Lord for clarity and understanding. Ask God to prepare your husband’s heart for the conversation, if he has indeed ever experienced or is experiencing any type of sexual abuse.
If you are led to be the first one to verbalize what you suspect, have courage. You are in a unique position to usher in healing for your husband, to lift a weight you have no idea the heaviness of it all. Ultimately, you win and your family wins because the head of your household is walking in wholeness and healing. You want to talk about a whole new level of connectedness with your spouse!
It’s the desire of my heart that we all take God up on His desire to bring healing and wholeness into our lives and restore our hearts.
Lived Loved and Thrive!
Resources:
Book: Willful Blindness, Margaret Heffernan
1in6.org – Confidential non-profit for Sexual Abuse & Assault of Boys and Men
malesurvivor.org– Hope, Healing & Support for men from all walks of life
Dr. Robert Marshall –https://www.roberthmarshall.com
Dr. Kelli Palfy: https://kellipalfy.com/Default.aspx
Transcript: https://www.happyscribe.com/transcriptions/05404e1ca8c24d0a9b0d81c76727f56e/edit_v2
